I think I'm just gonna teach myself violin.

I get my AA next summer.

I want a Nutty bar.  I got a pack of them.

Is there anything or anyone on TV?

Going Slowly

I will get my AA Summer 2019.  I will try to go to a 4 year college nearby, maybe get my Bachelor's in Violin Performance and minor in German in 2 more years, taking the bus to school.  Then, I hope to play violin in Germany.

I have rules and conditions no one else lives under.  They could take away relationships if I don't suffer.

I'm not used to competition in this way.

I don't like how Late Boomers assume they are better than me.

School Schedule

I have 1 class per each day M-F.

I get in trouble because an older lady I like became exploited.  I can get in trouble if I feel good about myself in certain ways, for an example.

This again?  I already realized my feelings about people I used to like talking to more.

People do human services to have an easy life but are also mean to customers.  They make you have that feeling of shame, things people wouldn't dare do with people they know.

Why were people so gay about Generation X having friends?

Careful around Scandinavians.  They found out from Wikipedia that maybe Germany is from Norway and Scandinavia is from Germany.

I'm not upset at the lady I like, just that people make it worse..

So, anyway, if I feel injured, I get hurt even more.

I don't feel like I can talk about my feelings.

I heard a car outside say I would be hurt for doing this.

So, I lost my relationship because of other people and they still do it and I'm blamed.  I still have a relationship, but some of it is damaged.  I don't even linger on it.  It comes up.  Sometimes, I want to enjoy it.

6 Late Boomers acted like everything was okay and we had a relationship, but now each one had a big problem with me.

I am so happy it's summer break.  College starts in 3 weeks.


Classes:

College Algebra, which I'm allowed a head start on after Remedial Math, to my luck, though I need the relaxation and recreation more

English II

Intro to Humanities


I wonder if the psychiatric medication is making me tired often.  Oh well...

So, school will mostly be 3 months, with at least one break for who knows how long for Thanksgiving.  I hope my time in school at age 32 will be meaningful and not detract from my life, too.  I'm so happy to live a normal life, even though I live in the world's vacation spot.  I think the water parks are a little expensive for me and probably crowded, though.  I like it so much, but I haven't been since 2005, 13 years.  I've not gone much.  I'm trying to do violin.  A lot of girls start dance at age 3.  I could do violin, but I might have damaged the nerves in my arms, though I'm feeling better and more calm.  I damaged them hitting my table when mad when I was communicating with someone, sad to say.  I keep hitting the other strings.  When I did group class in college at 18, it was surprisingly easy and I/we didn't hit the other strings.  I tend not to as much at lessons/rehearsals, which I have just tried rehearsals at the beginning and not stayed.  Maybe, it's getting hard, but I'm pretty sure this is so.  It might also be age and other factors.  That's the only hard part.  The other parts are like learning any instrument, like when I did piano.  I wanted to do it more, but I didn't know I'd grow up and major in music.  It was the homework from school.  I knew people liked when I played.  It stopped when I could have gone to an arts school, oblivious.  How am I supposed to know these things?  I lost it when my life revolved around homework past supper.

So, what else is new?

They exploited her so I couldn't have a relationship with her.

OK, what are people trying to say?  That I can't have the same relationship I would have had otherwise?

Another common thing to say is to look and see the lady I thought so important is now being exploited over the world, so I can't look forward to what I used to maybe, confusing and questionable but not fun for anyone.  I don't mean she has anything wrong, but she didn't want this but knows people can do this for her and she has to do it anyway.

I'm really sad because my life is messed up and I "like her so much."

So, I lost out.

I was underground famous and met a lady and she was exploited and is uncomfortable to talk to people such as me.  Why does the world do this to people I like?

I was feeling cool online, but I felt my world crash, like I'm in trouble and some people with power ruined my relationship.  They tried to make me feel bad, like it was the ultimate test.  Now, they like to test her to see if she'll go coocoo.  Other people would make it without these problems, though.  People don't care they were mean to me.

I kinda am wondering, if I turned on all the talk shows, they would all mention the older lady I like now.  Maybe, it makes her feel something "weird," but it should only be a good thing if it happens.  It might be good only for her and detrimental only for me.  What is this?  Exactly when did it start?  I even saw people she knows treat her like things are different now, but I'm abused.  Her only problem is  me because I might have done something wrong etc.  It's as though she was onto me for being underground famous, and people made it inconvenient and now I don't matter because too many people are haters.  I wonder why that matters if I already said it was bad and it is bad then.  The only way it's good might be that people are nicer to her than me in underground fame  So, pretty much, I used to have underground fame and she was nice and happy to meet me, simply.  Now, it's like she's gone, exploited on every channel and I can never get her back, it feels in some regards.

Maybe, an older lady I like is not mean to me but people have to act like she told them to be and that I can't have a relationship with her, like maybe maybe not when I do but teasing me like it won't get better like it is supposed to or will terminate like it's too bad and maybe not for me but others.

I could get in trouble with her because of silly reasons.

People made the people I like most not get along with me.  Supposedly, it's my fault.

It's hard to believe even people I like a lot might be mad at me.  At home, they keep acting like they're supposed to be mean to me because they are anyway and the older lady I have a relationship said.

A lot of people are being nice to me, but supposedly not the people I like most.

On TV, I head people are gonna kill me like my relationship of an older lady wants now.

I feel like I'm in trouble in how people feel about me.

I gotta go to bed sometime!

There is a lotta jealousy and lack of order inside of Central Florida..  I wanna get out, it's been nice knowing it.  Can I last til next summer and get what I want-

I worry but about different things.

It's not about opening up but being careful.

"I'm only human, governor!'

Well!  I am happy for people to be happy.

Count me out!  Everyone who can play violin is like me and piano, just sitting there waiting to happen, but I am stunted on the violin in some of the ways.

Just forget me if I'm shit to you unless you wanna hurt me that's fine.

What a Joke!

My dad can protect me?

This was a big deal.  It's not like I had too many details.

Everyone feels sorry for anyone who knows me.

People who look like an old friend sneer at me or are upset with me, when I miss her.  How immature can you get?

Well, I am upset I ruined my already ruined relationship because it is what it is.  I'm upset with myself.  Maybe, I'm just not that fun to be around.  That's quite embarrassing.  I might be mixed race or immature.  It might be too late.  It seems like what's happening, and I like to talk about important things in my life.  I'm not saying I need anything.

I'm pretty happy, but people must be uncomfortable about me.

"You can't see real people," said the "jerk."

My dad even thinks ahead that I would in the end wanna meet people.

I don't like the drama that happens around here.  What gets me through the day here.  The suspense, when I need a good normal life so I can succeed.

I don't like how unhealthy my "relationship" is.

So, nothing new.  Just found out about pain.

What excites them?

I'm not a bad person, but people are trying to say I'm ugly and boring.

School is gonna be some work, both scholarly and socially.

at who did it, though. as if.

I'm mad as hell.

Someone used to care about me is gone.

I like my mom, but my dad seems to be able to occupy himself anyway.  I feel privileged my little brother is here.  I'd like him to get alone time, though....

Also, I don't want to leave home so much now.

I feel I have to crawl back and get my degree and skills and move away and work and get better at classical music.

I'm sitting here lapping up the people overseeing me in private now and it's weird, to do with some big new secret.  It kinda disgusts me the suspense, not in a very bad disgusting way but just a sorta snooty feeling.  I am trying to steer my life again.

I feel like I was hypnotized to do that.

People are superstitious about me because I damaged my arms and the nerves in them hitting the table when mad maybe to do with certain other people.  I feel a bit better, but for a long time wasn't.  I started violin and it was hard not to hit the other strings.

Why am I still in school and can't do anything I like!

What happened after 2009?  Nothing.

This isn't an experience, and TV and movies aren't relaxing.  I have things still on the line.  I can't get back at the people really causing the problems.

I feel it's the same thing every day, I get told no.

What's that say about some of you?

People wouldn't react that way before.

Let me poke at a bug even more.

Orlando wants to be social and says an older lady I like needs to be cared for like a mental nutcase.

I'm supposed to be provided for by my parents.. until college graduation!

I don't believe in going through perversion to get it out, but it might be like masturbation.. why do some people do it and maybe some not experience sex?

My parents are tight on my spending.

I feel like I can't wind down nor get enough tasty food to eat now.  My room is the garage and TV doesn't work because of power.  I'm just here with nothing to do but get my AA on the 3 week break between summer and fall semesters.  Maybe, not having money to eat out and have fun is why.