Hey yeah... the people overlooking me in private act like I need to relax but also that I need to give up on dreaming.

"Use it or lose it."

It keeps me in shape.

I'm excited about finishing school in 3 more semesters.

Hey.. they are nice to white people.

What the hell do people on this here earth want?

I am wondering if I was disapproved of and that's the agenda... interested, of course.  Something I did.  Is it because I don't have nice clothes???

Oh, and me realizing all this is a supposed temporary relief, like it's back to hiding.  I feel kidnapped, shut away for years and years.  Aren't you supposed to live without all this being knocked into a certain place?  I think I just need to unwind from the me accidentally saying "nigger" online about someone when I was harassed racially.  I didn't know how bad it was and was in a fight.  Depends on who...  My parents started being disapproving to me around then.  2009.

I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong.

I know I get upset there's nothing to do online but this.

They are just sucking on their private knowledge and lack of future planning..

That's funny...  My life sucks socially because my dad is upset in the way.

The people monitoring me in private have a no, like an older lady I like didn't approve of me, like she knows me in secret and has to take things the wrong way or something.  How is that information made available to the public? to appeal to their senses?

My mom seems sad, like something is about to happen to me.  They don't care about my dead body.

No, I said I was lonely, even with anyone.

Why are people acting like something is wrong with me?

People are acting like I have shame.

Do you know about a "slow and painful death" as opposed to a quick one?  It's a similar thing.

I feel I'm slowly being told no.

I spent my time being upset, forgetting values and to avoid things.

See, the pain lingers from being around my dad.  He seems to not want me here but wants to chase me.

I'm not sure how to escape the pain and achieve solitude.

I feel shocked often by people overseeing me in private.

They are pushing me to my dad in uncomfortable ways.

People are blaming me for things out of my control growing up in school.

It seems things could have been okay for others.

However, I can't tell if my life with others is or was a certain way because they didn't care or it just didn't go right and I have to feel real sorry for them that I suffered.

I feel like people think I'm crap and would go out of control if I got told I can't continue and have a good relationship with an older Late Boomer.  So, they do it slowly.  I don't think so.

My therapist doesn't believe in me, for the most part.

My psychiatrist has me on medicine, that my mom says I have to take.

It's like I can't feel comfortable and get grumpy.

I should be happy.  I am a unhappy if I ruined my relationship.  Admittedly, I have real problems.

No one talks to me but wants to affect my life, negatively, and take my relationships.

They are just retracing my steps.  These 13 years suck.

Do aliens, other than seeming Asian, have love?

Biology can be more interesting than aliens.

What if someone can't be happy unless they baby someone?

Where are people hiding?  They don't matter.

Just because of Jesus doesn't make me a sinner.

Other people are trying to say someone I like is especially different in a bad way.

Why do you act like it's okay I suffer?  I feel pain.

Why do people get to be stupid to me?

I almost always feel bad with this feeling hanging over me.

Now, everyone is mean to me.

People went crazy I had a hard time in college.

Why do people hate on me and act weird? the overseeing me in private?

Don't forget the irritation of me being monitored when I'm more competent and suffer a lot.  Don't worry about me, though, because in the end it doesn't matter.

I'm probably sad at all the stress worrying about the older lady I like and the ways I can't have a relationship now.

Do you need approval?

Ho ho?  No one is ... "concerned?"  I guess some people have power over the whole world.  At least, we know some people are good and not to even consider blaming them.  Step 1.  Do it.

It's so hard to ignore the stupidity I live with.

I have the stress of school coming.  I feel like before when I'm here with nothing to do, outside of the dangers of the redundant world of work transitioning from school and summer breaks.

Well?  I can't fix my life.  They keep not being able to be nice.

Why are some people bad and easygoing but gay when it comes to if you accidentally do something wrong to them?

No one says they did it.

I just am worried about the older lady I like most because of how vulnerable she is.

What?  They pressed my button.  I'm not sure, though, if I pressed someone else's.  It's just too bad and doesn't matter.

Why do other people get to meet people I like?

I know why people dislike curse words.  It describes themselves.

I'm sick of this shit that people who feel not who they want to be say I'm not smart and not impressive.  I'm hiding from them.

I have huge leg muscles.

They don't want me to have fun.

I'm more competent than the people doing my life.

I feel kinda bad from people always being mean to me, including the people observing me but not really talking to me.

Doesn't everyone know I'm nice?  Why do people stop talking to me?  Some people bother me.

Why is everyone so hyped and happy?

What happened?  This isn't yesterday.

Why are attractive moms so mean?

I'm thinking of living alone.  I feel tested, like I'd accept living with someone else.  I bet we all do, though.  Was this an uncomfortable topic?  How do we get rid of it and go back to normal?  I guess it's like a threat, like we all think we'll marry Johnny Depp.  I guess if someone's not famous is okay, but that doesn't mean they're bad or that you have to live with them.

I have no relief in my home.

It's okay if they don't wanna talk to me, but why is this okay?

I like the people talking to me, but why am I in trouble with real people I like?

What is this, a lame version of Harry Potter?

Am I guessing people's secret wish of how to get me over with?  Make a goal and drain me until there's nothing there and no goal to replenish me?

I would rather be more English than American but overall German.

I don't like being tested dangling in the air.  I don't know what I'm missing out on, but I am a student.

Actors don't work; I'm not privileged because work is a privilege.

What kind of peace to people get even when they feel alone?

It seems like it'd have to be endless if I follow all the ways you press a button after following my concerns.

Not everyone is the same.

So, I have a relationship and we are both amazing.

Follow me and negate me?

Aha! I found out!

Some people just press the button to hurt me in some way, like socially.  They get too much stress.  So, do anything, and it doesn't matter.  It's an active "battle" to be won.

People give others more than they would had they not known me, but I'm considered some trash toy.

Regardless, my relationship has some bad things now.

I feel so lonely.  I wanted to be an actor to connect, but maybe I don't "have" to "act."  It takes so much work.  I'm into violin, and I wish I could be famous in an orchestra.

So, I'm not complaining, but there's less hope according to other people.

I don't know her answer; I'm being accused of making contradictory statements, like maybe I have a more shallow relationship in some way.

Compared to before, now I get pushed away more from a "relationship" with an older lady I have.  I didn't really do anything; she did and can do whatever she wants in regards to keeping it.

I was left worse off.

Why did the access to other worlds stop when I couldn't succeed in history in college?

I thought I had to save them and spammed them advice when they didn't answer, in 2007-2008.  Sure, I got some response once or twice.  I'm not sure, but I also stopped hearing voices.

I feel like my old friends are talking at me.

I go out in public, and it's hard to get along with all the racism.  It's boring if a lotta people do that who you wish were still like before.

It looks like I didn't make it, in a way.  People are accusing me of having people I talk to be in the aesthetic shadow.

It wasn't even an insistence.  People just keep throwing it up in the air, focusing on messing up people I like.

No one trusts me.  That's why I don't tell them everything about me.  It's not my fault, and I don't deserve to be locked up!

It seems people are trying to say I can't even meet someone I like a lot, like something would go wrong like there's anything to hope for anyway otherwise.  Life is too short for people.  I want real people, or I don't "make it."

Why are people making fun of me I thought someone wished I could meet them, like that's possible, and I encounter other people instead about this on a negative note?  It's too much to worry about.  It looks like I've not made progress in this way.

I'm trying to live my life and am attached to some of the kinds of people here, but it looks like I'm right to going to school, getting my AA, and sadly leave my parents and this city/area.

Twitter

I'm so happy for your daughter! It's quite a neat instrument. I like old-fashioned Spanish things because I lived in Saint Augustine, FL, the oldest city left in the US and 2nd oldest otherwise. 🤭 You'd love it, too. I wanted to get back into serious music, my life & blogging!

— Christina (@Christina86FLNO) August 2, 2018

I don't mind some people telling me upset things, but why are they to be worried about?

Twitter

Everyone thought my mom was my sister. My dad is much older, than my mom. My parents got me classical piano and Beethoven symphonies when they got me in piano. I got busy, though, and didn't have my own room or anything, year 1996. I used to rush to the piano to beat the TV.

— Christina (@Christina86FLNO) August 2, 2018

I still have a relationship, but it's different.  I just felt that people were mad with me more now.

I didn't leave altogether.  It's funny I could have met them later.  Just thoughts I'm having.  I want to think about something else.

I wonder if I'm not supposed to talk about this...

...I liked someone else and am supposed to believe I left someone else rather than that they wanted me to leave until I was done.

Whose idea was it just to sit there and correct me like I thought off when they observe me and do strange things?  Like, I'm not "meeting real people."  What are they, aliens?  Is this how you wish to be treated?  I think so, according to most people.  Their parents made them want this.

I am losing things, and it makes me sad, like nothing really matters about me, literally in deed and not just sentiment.  I know, people think the problems they give me in my otherwise good relationships are okay.  What if people just want to be nice to me but really don't like me, like in a concrete way.  They are just giving me false illusions and diverting me.  I'm sorta starting something new, in saying this, but have no problems with what certain people want or don't want with me in "relationships."  That's their right.  Other people don't have the right to single me out as a joke.  I'm a little confused because I thought I was okay with someone, but now I'm not, like that could be possible, because it happens to all my relationships too.  It's like I could have been happy, but something happened and people had already ruined it.

So, supposedly, I can be happy, but not with people messing up the truth in my "relationships."

Schizophrenic ... Paranoid Schizophrenic (Not Really)

The world is so sad.  We get sad and lonely without company, like something isn't there.  We try to do misery loves company and talk to people our own age strongly.

The world is messed up.


Everyone is holding out, like literally..  I can't seem to meet anyone and be okay and not worry about them because they know me.  I must have some enemies.

I am pretty down to earth.  I am good at personality types in the MBTI and probably others.  I didn't have one unreasonable goal.  I don't get too close to people and suggestions don't come up.  The world changed for me, in 2005..  Now, I worry everyone wants to meet people but then again don't seem to care to do anything about it.

You know, people in general take the age of your dad and enslave you socially and then they give the reward to people with younger dads.

Twitter

What kinds of music have you been into? I liked soft rock and musical theater as a tween. I would prefer to be a classical musician. I liked old fashioned things so much I wanted to live it, as a girl, too. My favorite music used to be folk and Catholic music.

— Christina (@Christina86FLNO) August 2, 2018

It's already too late.  People who are reserved for better things already have other "relationships" with other people.

I want to see Germans and English together and with different kinds of Americans.

Review - With Spoilers

It wasn't all sparkly, neither, plus extremely agitated the whole time save for interjections from an English guy, involved.

I watched Unfriended: The Dark Web, and it wasn't magic.

People like to tease me, but they are also preventing me from feeling good, like other people.

I wonder if they want me to be of disposal.

I didn't have a problem, and they acted like I did because they think my dad would translate me differently.

Then, they were mean to me, and I lost my thoughts.

So, I have an A in Remedial Math and a B in Speech!

People who are zoned out that are known and liked by others in a certain way that can't change ...

People like to put people on the top to eliminate them to be in their place.

People are always be inappropriate with the wrong people.

Some of them couldn't get anyone to talk to them.

I wonder if some people just wanna be left alone, like people who are very famous sometimes.

Twitter

It seems like things could get bad.

People kill you if you accidentally think off someone born around 1953 or 1954, but, if you like a nice Late Boomer, they want you to think off about them.

2 Worlds

I like social networking.  Word of Dance and JLo just liked and Retweeted my reply.