I noticed people encourage other people to feel great pleasure and condone me for any, sometimes.

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Ever since I used to curse on my blog about people annoying me constantly via little ticking noises they put in my room ... I've been in trouble.  I notice anyone who meets me now becomes more popular than me, acting like they can handle this situation with the blueprint of my past of what doesn't work in front of them ... and I am annoyed I'm infamous how it is, with my life affected...

I had a nice time talking to a counselor with Irish, English, 2% Spanish, and Scandinavian...

I need to lay down.

I'm starting to creek and sway.

Not looking forward to night spirits.

Is Germany?...

...latching onto the Irish, punishing you creatively and still sensitive to race in 2 ways?

Concerned About My Irish Dad

I'm not into his type.  😁  He likes to act cordial as he lets you know you are to be "punished" for not agreeing, like he made it okay by being cordial, suddenly in a certain way.  He's also from Pennsylvania, and so he acts like you know everything you're supposed to do and if you do one thing that seems questionable, he turns on to it.  I dunno about this, I think it's farmers, but they like to test you and think they outsmarted you and then blame you for everything you did then.

My Parents Don't Savor Cooking but My Dad Loves Eating

Why can't he "help himself" or "fix something up" for himself?

He doesn't even grill.

Sometimes, I don't like eating, but I want to have energy and maybe still get taller because I feel small with short legs.  I crave Starbucks, though.

I'm concerned everyone feels for my dad.

Fever - Doing Things "Literally"

I think Central Florida is bad but not worthless yet demented.  I don't think there was need to be violent to African American slaves just because it seemed habitual and ceremonial to them.  Like, Germany was so good, but there were so many Nazis.  It's like Southerners thought African Americans were meant to be sacrificed.

Feeling Refreshed and Maybe More Ready for Bed...

...I feel a little blank like it's time for bed.

I feel like I talk about feelings rather than having them, sometimes.  I wonder if my life has come to some capstone of completing something.  I wonder about having feelings concerning things related to what people do.  Maybe, I have too many communication tools but nothing to do with it.  Communication is about looks, like Twitter and the pictures on Facebook.  We can communicate, but now we communicate "living in style."  In Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, there is more than one stage of how we are that is related to feelings.

I feel I could have had a richer life.  I wanted more friends more.  I think they secretly turned on me and manipulated my life.  They had their reason...  IM isn't the same, anymore.  People weren't friendly when the internet came out enough.  I'm not sure how many people, but it seemed at least some must have only been excited at first.  I wasn't sure about an online journal, did not think of it.  That's what I want, more than the IM with friends.  It seems sad there are only obscure message boards.  You know, you look up something juicy and find it is a topic on an obscure message board about something else?

How I'm Doing

I was talking to counselors at school for, like, 2 hours about saying my teacher is good but making me uncomfortable...  I was giving them my background.

I'm gonna go get something ... to ... eat ...

I can't do if people can act mean and think my disagreeing is a fight.

Wars

WWI&II were a Caucasian war.

The Vietnam and Korean Wars were Asian.  I still don't know to this day what they were for but have asked my dad.

The Revolutionary War was probably the biggest war of all I can think of.  Most people think it's the Civil War.  Funny how people can get away with being mean to African Americans / "black people."

People both condemn people for WWI and WWII and encourage it to hurt people like me.

So, what can I do to be a good citizen?

So, My Fair Lady is on...

...is she attractive for her figure or her ethnicites/race?

We used to dream of doing things to test things like this movie.  We were supposed to, but I guess not?

Let's see if you can walk in a straight line.

Who is worth it?

So, I am blaming people for ruining it for me, too.

Let me catch this thought.  It seems that Late Boomers are putting Generation X and sometimes particularly me under pressure to say if I don't accept I'm not worth much or something ... I have to do that "or else."

You know, I do realize that ... that people treated me badly and are making sure I don't improve so they can look better.  You know what I mean?  How people dote on some babies and not others but in unfair ways?  Well, if you are mistreated but good, you are like me.  You aren't attractive, but you're "right."

Let me, please allow me to, explain something to ask for help.  I accidentally said something to someone who said something like that to me first.  I even said I was, like, just talking to them for fun.  Of course, they did not respond regardless.  I realized it was bad and apologized.

My dad thinks I need to be greatly punished for any little wrong thought, which he knows, too, for example, to elaborate on how I stand.


So, I see that people are actually making me uncomfortable holding me as bad while they communicate with me in ways that are supposed to be enjoyable.  I'm not quite sure what the problem is I need to think about.  It sounds like I cracked under pressure.  No one "forgives" me.

I'm upset how things turned out, like how it didn't matter how someone thought of me, like I should forget about them.