I feel awakened to problems like I will not get enough rest this morning.

cont.

"This" being what I was talking about, but you don't know what that is.

I already said I didn't want to do this, but it seems to be affecting my relationships.

Oh, yea?

Well, why do you act like she's a role model but okay to be exploited too?

People are acting like an older person I like is in need emotionally.

I feel people misjudge me and squander.

"I seen better days."

I feel like I deserve to be assumed into Heaven when I "die."

I hate when people judge my life and act like, "Well! That's Christina.  I have my life, and I got things under control."

Tired

It was hard to rest.

If people get offended if I say something, it's funny because they wanted people to talk to them.

Why?

No one is interested in me, supposedly.

Something to Talk About?

Why do I feel people want me to say something, but the people watching me in private don't want me to post on my Problems blog?

Temporary

Noticed in general and interested, why do people go into relationships like they won't terminate?

The Young at Heart
I feel set up to lose my relationships, and I'm not interested in people, as it's like only kids matter and maybe people who graduated from college on time, while I was given a hard time for, maybe, no good reason.

Cast Down and "Life Is Unfair"
People keep acting like I don't amount to much, just because they feel bad and they can.  I'm not that bad to start, but I feel I'm getting worse and worse.  I'm on psychiatric medicine that makes me tired that I don't need that I have to take if I live with my parents.

People Who Know Me
I'm being tested, even by people monitoring me in private probably, that if I don't see myself in a certain way, at one moment tested, that I will never amount to anything next to other people.  That's an easy one to cast down, as most people seem repulsive in behavior and manners and in general.  Also, they see me in private or something and I have people I'm related to, and they all acted funny and then turned on me.

Orlando / Central Florida is counting on me to be in trouble.

People keep acting like I'm nothing but something tacky and out there.

People are acting like I'm the excrement of my family.  Orlando / Central Florida!

I don't try to be attractive by showing how "stupid" I am.

What are you looking forward to?

Did you get what you wanted?

People keep pretending I am bad and they are good doing whatever they want.

"Effort"

I respect other people's feelings, but people try to advertise the opposite.

Why are people busy trying to justify others?

People think certain differences makes people incompatible.

Germany, France, and America

2015 - Germany


2016 - France

2014 - Germany


2013 - Famous American Actress

People keep acting like I'm the one with a problem.

People think if I can feel ticked off and affected that an older person I look up to has to be tested.

Update

I added my Problems blog, under My Stuff.

People keep throwing ideas at me all of a sudden so I can't think.

cont.

... and it's like it seems to just pile up.

People keep following my thoughts like they know what's better and punish me for it.

People are making me feel like I "took" something and teasing like I don't "have" to have anything.

People keep ruining my life.

Everyone keeps acting like I'm "shit" because an older person was nice to me.

People want me to suffer because I am careful and they are jealous because they are not and it's cool to be and in a lot of ways.

People keep competing to prove I am bad.

I can see it, now.

Things were better, "whatever the reason," before Orlando / Central Florida messed it up.

First, they were racist.

Now, they are questioning my worth and of having had and still having a "relationship" with someone older.

Save for the good ones.

Too Many Questions

Lots of people are famous, and it's my trademark to say how the fame is used.

I'm sorry some people, like Orlando / Central Florida, got like they were drunk and say the type of program I live by doesn't work, when many people are jealous of its function.  This has consumed my life.

On the Other Hand

They made it worse.

cont.

Orlando! / Central Florida! The people's person - no one wants you!  (I don't mean the good ones..)

This is something kind of sensitive and important to me.

I was wondering why, all of a sudden, like, everyone is telling me I'm bad because someone older gave me attention.

I just bought all these dresses in the AM hours, for school at least.

I got 6 dresses and black knee high socks, all for like $180.

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Something Interesting

The people watching me in private always are supposedly quite obese with problems, and it's talked about.

YIKES!!!

If I get at 80% on my Practice Test, I can go back and check my answers on the actual test, next class period.  I got just that.

It's funny when people think they are more attractive than everyone else.

Why do I feel like I'm supposed to say I'm sorry about something, in general, where can I do that?

There's an explanation for everything, I guess...  I still am unsure of what to do.

People ask me questions telepathically, and it makes me uncomfortable and I can get in trouble for other people testing me, like a weak spot, if my reaction is something like that I don't like them.

Through With My Dad

I feel I know him as much as I ever will.

There are ways to hit and feel happy about your family because they have cared about you.

To Sum It Up

I was always good, and I feel comfortable in different ways around different people.

People would never suggest that I get closer to my parents in uncomfortable ways.  Central Florida / Orlando and other places in their "horrible, hopping hindsight" are different.

I know what it is.

They like people who are mean because it feels good at the time.

Why?

Some problems won't be solved, if you're just going through other people's family trees for a long time.

I believe in trying to make things good; I mean, though, who doesn't, not just me.

When will people stop manipulating me?

I get a funny feeling people who "don't matter as much" to me ruin my life if I lose focus and do something that bothers them.

Lies

So, should we forget the hopes of people mattering and just think our family is compatible in a family way?

It's funny when I feel trapped by people like I'm of the parents of the generation before the Baby Boom, like I'm "good enough" for something like that, at least.

I mean that Late Boomers are treated better.

It's been 13 years, and still I didn't get a nicer life like I was bargained for what I had already.

2005 - in trouble for getting sick

2006 - noises outside my dorm and weird classes

2007-2010 - in my room online alone

2011 - living on medicine that makes me tired and life go by fast

2012 - watched Ellen DeGeneres and followed online constantly

2013 - pulled out of college again

2014-2015 - still on medicine and went back to church, only to be excommunicated

2016-present - violin

My Life Being Communicated With Privately Being Watched in Private

I knew since 2005, don't know when they started or how or anything, maybe its nature is just usually on a whim, involving my dad.

I was supposed to do this to have a nice life and know more people, but it's about getting close to people I'm related to in uncomfortable and very undesired ways.  It also ruins the relationships I may have, for no reason.  You know, that sounds like something wrong Germany, in general, does, saying it's been about looking close to your family or relatives before branching out ... but that is not to happen, like that with me.

Popularity Contest

It seems people did something foolish and said I wasn't worth it because of my dad, who is obese and upset with me.

Relatives

They act like they know me well, but they never want to have fun with me and seem short on communication, though I see them loud and about.

Whenever I am having fun with other people, it seems my dad and sometimes others are thinking why don't I just be with them, instead, and I don't like that neither, in that way.

Why do people think I have a problem, all of a sudden?  I have problems at home.

The Central Florida / Orlando area is so demonstrative.

They think if you are not perfect and there's something else weird, like being only 1/2 white, that you're worth nothing.  They will demonstrate for you, like a kid in daycare.

Update

New Facebook

It's funny some Latinos and the other Southern Europeans think Asia will compensate racially for what they do because they have ancestry from adjacent and maybe similar areas, possibly, at least according to Wikipedia.  It's nice, but they Southern Europeans are not to "bring" Asians "down."

It's like Southern Europeans want Oriental cultures to succumb ancestrally.  They are singling us out, though, telling us we did bad things we didn't do.  Some fantasy.

It seems like Later Generation X and their kids are going crazy acting overly submissive.  I wonder what the parents of the Later Generation X think, who are Early Boomers or older.  It seems like they do that or make other people do that, too.

I don't like when people single me out racially and then look down on me.

Update

Race: mostly Germanic/Oriental

cont.

You think, maybe it's okay not to exercise and okay to eat however you want.  Like, that's the status quo?  Exercise is important, but most people go and go far.  No one seems to just be in shape.  There's a gap, there, and I'm not sure what it means or how it happens.  It seems that a lot of people are not healthy, still, like they're stressed out.  I wonder what the racial/ethnic demographic is of this, here in the US.  I know that supposedly Italians are more recent immigrants in most places.  Maybe, they are stronger, as a race, too.

Healthcare

How many Americans are on pills to keep them alive??!

"Early to Bed, Early to Rise"

I wonder why "early to bed" works.  It's hard to fall asleep.  When I wake up early, I go back to bed.

Why are people acting weird, in America, like if someone from Europe talks to me, American rules apply, which are things I've not seen made clear to all ... like if you think you can just be normal, they say you have to "lose it," forever.

Feeling Excited

I hope to be accepted at a 2nd community college, again.  I was told to go on a break because I was getting behind the class, but it's probably another reason they didn't say...

So, the other school has German, 2 levels.  Then, I'll need to transfer to take German somewhere else here or elsewhere in Florida, for less tuitions.  I'm actually a Music major.  So, I'll be dually enrolled:
-Music Theory I or III?
-Music Ensemble
-Private Violin
-German I

I'll probably
-do music theory in the mornings Monday-Thursday at one school
-bus to the next for German a couple days
-one night I have an ensemble
-there's also the private lesson, hopefully the same day as the ensemble

I guess I can study at school Mondays, after school Tuesdays and Thursdays, and more time the other days.  I don't go to church, maybe because the bus takes too much effort and I don't want a ride.

Falling, Again

My math homework ... I'm factoring by sliding ... I know how to do the problems, but it seems, when you don't factor things a certain way, you can mess up.  I even double check everything.  Test next class.

I am tired, "saving room for" Pizza Hut.  I can't bring myself to try to do this, again.

Why do people act like people with nonwhite blood are bothering them?

Prejudice

When someone of a discriminated generation or part or full nonwhite race does something big, people just pretend they were only waiting for someone of a more popular generation and just people with a more northern European or German-descended race.

It seems some people get what they want because they are either born in Late Boom or Generation Z (1997/1998,) while the rest of us are made to feel ashamed of ourselves, like we all happen to be so bad.. forever.

Why do Late Boomers, in general, come up and tell you what you do and that you're just wrong? like they're cranky or deserve something you don't.  A lotta people don't get what they want.

...or they test you and if you do anything that seems disagreeable remotely or whatever, they're upset much and consequences come like a "domino effect."

Update

My Hight: 5'3"-5'4"

Would you obsess over fame or what you do in it sorta?

(image credit)

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Music

Music

2005


2016

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Music

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2005


I'm with L.A.

Music

1969


1980

Me

2016

Music

1992


1983

Music

1989


1997/1998


1989 - Finnish


2014 - Georgia, Southeastern US


The Voice Kids - Australia - 2014

I'm failing.

I can't see how I'm worth it.


I'm not going crazy.  I wonder how much I could be worth to anyone, peculiarly here in Central Florida.

Guard Dogs

It seems like Southern Europeans and Near Easterners are just the guard dogs of more Northern Europe.

So, are people saying, "Okay, Christina made a mistake.  Can we sacrifice her and believe everyone else whatever they do is right knowing what Christina did was all that's wrong and it's like we're just in Heaven forever now? except for Christina."

Maybe, you want to be able to do some things, to know you can, but not to do it for certain people.

Organ

I'm sad I lost my organ skills, but I still have some.

I have a certain connection to people who are more "old-fashioned" and are more rigid, uptight, and pompous, in a good way, something I share that I'm excited with them.  People all try to change that and make fun of it, like they're generous being a "people person," like they got something done, like it's their business.

I think people are really overly excited about people who are Late Boomers or have Late Boomer parents regarding being "naughty," in general.

Sometimes, I wonder if I am subconsciously guilty, like people are getting me out of the way.

Why are people in turmoil over maybe some younger people with Late Boom parents?  Some people just keep it a problem and don't directly address it.  Others...  They are counting on it to be a problem.  Sometimes, people hide who some people's parents are, but you know they are Late Boomers; yet, they over analyze you suddenly saying you aren't as good if they find fault in your parents but not you.

Changes

It seems that I can't schedule my feelings in private nor relate to others privately, but it "sucks" too anyway.

Racial Responsibility

People are acting shocked if mixed people of the more Northern European race mixed with Spanish or Italian or other Southern European or mixed European subraces are worried about being discriminated against socially, like if people will have a social exchange with you, without looking down on you racially.  It was the same with Eurasians.

As a hapa or Eurasian, I see Southern Europeans as white Europeans.  I even see Middle Easterners as Caucasians.  They look white and act white and have fair features.  Black people look very different.  It seems that having black skin is the dividing feature.  Arabs can look European, for instance, just with dark hair and sometimes white skin.  Blacks have the most problems passing as white.  Other races can get by.  However, Asians are like Northern Europeans in their own way in that they are not as rough.  They seem different racially, but I'm focusing on racial mixes.  I haven't met too many Eurasians who seem happy, though.

Here's a half Russian half Chinese, guess she looks happy for a Eurasian and whiter than the others.  I saw another half Russian half Chinese who looked more European.

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I've felt discrimination for not being mostly 1/2 German or something, myself.  The ancestry tests all gave me different results.  It looks pretty funny, I have a pretty good Asian mom, and I see all these hot, younger-looking guys with Asian wives who look like they have more problems physically.  I know Filipinos have European culture to a degree from the Spanish, which actually Asians are older than Southern Europeans as a race.  Maybe, most of my mom's line has a lot of Dutch influence from Indonesia for hundreds of years.  My dad was into martial arts as an adult, but I don't know if we are that compatible.  Ever since we moved to Central Florida, he's been onto me, and I have to stay away.  He used to not be as rough about his race and acted like he liked Asian things, philosophically, though no one made him be that way.  It's funny when people act like I'm not as white as my parents.  That's messed up.  People in Central Florida are like that.  They don't really think that, but they figure it to be that way, consistently I feel.  Actually, I feel others think so, too.

"Let Bygones Be Bygones"

A ballet song by an orchestra from Minnesota in the "Midwest" of the US was on.  I met someone from Minnesota.

It seems that doing ballet is a lot of concentration for some people.  I wonder what happens when other things begin to look more attractive.

I was thinking of doing something like acting or musical theater, but I think classical music is better.  I don't know what people do to get in Hollywood, but it doesn't look easy to be content.

Bella Thorne was pretty good, but she seems to be under the radar.  She is born in 1997 in the same county I'm originally from.

Bella Thorne - 2014
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