Have I become a random joke?

Well, I guess I will enjoy my 3 week break, if others "let" me.

You just wanna know about my friends.

What is wrong with me not being like I'm always in trouble?

I'm not really experiencing good things.

Why do I feel people are talking at me and no to me.

I'm not top secret.

I just feel it and come home to some unpleasantness all the time.

I'm certainly not the guilty one.  I'll have to die with this curse.

I don't need to be taught a lesson.  Everyone knows.

They won't stop.

It just goes to show that you're losers.

Why am I being limited by others to my family?

Are you following the leader?

I'm fine, like most people, but then you lose it over my biraciality.

Why do I get the feeling other people are more important than me, like mostly?

Lonely

I feel so lonely with what I have to put up with.  Either I am lonely, or I am not lonely.  It's not even a big deal.  Even if I'm with people, I'm still lonely.

I do like some people here, but I don't know them very well.  There are a lotta cool people out there, here.

This was on Music Choice on a Jazz channel.

So, pretty much, things got worse and people acted like just had our Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and that was enough.

In the end, it didn't improve our lives, it distracted and detracted from it.

It was all about people who didn't do what they were supposed to.

It made me lonely.

I disagree with how Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) ruined the world and raised adults over children, the Late Boomers over Generation X.

Why does anyone feel they have authority.  Central Florida is so stupid, overall, "sad to say."  People I know mimic that way, too, "sad to say."  Can you believe it?  How egotistical in a barren world.

But it wasn't like this originally?

Why are they telling me not to feel good but encourage others?

People keep trying to make me uncomfortable about my private life but encourage the older lady to feel important.

...but I know people have something against me that shouldn't be there and that's why.

Are things better?  It seems cleaner.  It is strange how she stuck out to others over other people.  I know I stick out but was not originally popular.  Maybe, people think I am a magnet.  It certainly is a big thing, like people said she "has" to be like she's me instead but get it even better, like the world woke up; why does it involve hurting me and having me in more and more pretend trouble?

So, if the older lady I like was already doing "these things" and okay, why are people interjecting themselves?  It seems like others are listening.

It seems like secret operation undercover to answer everyone's problems by having me suffer.

I wonder which looks more like me...

girl from a suburb in the 1950s or 1960s

mother from NYC area in the 1960s

We need to clean up today's youth.

My relatives on my dad's side are mostly originated from Pennsylvania and New York state.  I think it looks like my mom is younger than the little girl.

So, only be jealous if it's something I could have.

Some things really are just stupid.

Shouldn't it be like "oh no" an older lady I like is "gone viral?"  Immediately?  It is a real issue, I mean, not that I'm "worried."

People act like they have something over me.  I'm watching TV, and they "had a moment" when someone looked cool and thought they went deep.

Why can people do this?

It seems like they are just messed up with no hope.

Like, take an issue, like I don't like being bossed around nor feeling awkward.

What if people control the world through me?

A Fun Night

I did that thing on violin where you move the bow back and forth really fast and almost had a pinching heart attack in the middle of orchestra practice.  It may have lasted a minute.

I will be in this orchestra if FAFSA doesn't pay for my school, for music.

I went there I think a year and a half ago.  I feel a bit more tired but better as a violinist.  I guess things are evening out.  I didn't have it in my last time to sit in and watch, taking the bus and getting a ride back from my dad.  I'm worried now I feel less tolerant to rehearsal, whereas before I wasn't as good at violin but could take it better.  That's what I was wondering about going, too, as part of it.  Someone I met bets I will be able to sight read that stuff if I do this this time, like everyone else sight reads it better.  I am only 3 years and intermediate.  It was beneficial to me, better than sitting alone practicing because I need extra "help."  I keep hitting other strings, but this way I didn't notice me doing that, like at lessons.  I might not do the lessons because I want to go my own way, at least for now.  I feel I didn't learn right or it wasn't towards a certain goal, and that can ruin my incentive, I know for sure.

All the bad people from Generation X flood, use, and destroy the good people from Late Boom.

Americans will just rise together and be jealous of anyone who has culture outside of the US.

How will I figure anything out if I'm monitored by the thought police?

I'm going to deal with these things, anyway, later.

Why can't we talk about what's interesting and go on with life?  There's some merit in that.

Fess Up - Now or Never

I'm not holding out for a bunch of people who have nothing to offer, no matter what race or generation they are.

I feel like people are controlling my freedom of speech.

bleh

...but like she needs them

People made it so an older lady I like doesn't need me.

I feel kinda bad just staying home.  Well, I still eat food.  I wonder how other kids get by doing all this work.  Maybe, they are still young.  Part of me wants to go back for something to do, like work.  Who knows...  I guess I might go back.  I don't have much to keep me going.

I don't think I can go back to school.  I'm tired of the sudden semester of summer school.  I took speech and remedial math, which was for 4 credit hours.  I feel like it's the last chug, 1 more day of 2 exams and a speech to give.  There are 3 weeks until the next school semester.  I don't know if I could just go for music or if I should try to teach myself, for now, violin as my newer instrument.  I don't even want a teacher, otherwise, because they don't seem to care about what's important to me, like I can only take it as a joke.

No one cares about me; they're all celebrating.

cont.

Even my dad displays it.

People think if I do something big, it's the grotesque exaggerations of having a dad born as early as 1950.

If it's about luck, there must be truth, elsewhere.

Does it matter if someone is better than me?

Life isn't always supposed to be that exciting, not like that.

Why won't people "leave my 'relationship' alone?"

I wish I would remember the importance of family life.  I should read things like that somewhere when I wake up in the morning, like a morning prayer.

Feeling Better Physically

I feel better after a shower/bath.  OK, I shaved and did my nails.  I trim my fingernails every day and toenails 1-2 times a week.  I am starting to clean out my ears more often.  I also will try mouthwash in the mornings and evenings.  I try to shower twice a day but have hard nights where I wake up to use the bathroom and sometimes eat a little.

🛁 🚿

I also went back and jogged today.

...Exams coming up! and a speech.  2 exams and a speech in one day.

This isn't "the action" for me.

People in America as themselves, not to compare to other countries, like to make me feel bad without stopping if they catch me doing one thing to defend myself.

Wow, you must think the lot of you are people's people.

People find pleasure in babying someone I "look up to."

I don't lean on people.

I wonder why some people think I needed them.

They won't stop fighting me.

I feel judged by people I don't want close to me.

Yuk!  Older people are playing around with their age and going off ruining it for me with someone.

Someone thinks the answer is always supposed to be sacrificial on your part, but what does that say about them?

They don't even like me!  They went crazy.

My parents and people are participating in my private life, but it doesn't always feel good.

They want an older lady I like to "feel good" in a bad way like she's stimulated as the only one in the world set apart and everyone knows and is paying attention.

How Sickening!

People think Late Boomers should be treated like children.

So, some people realize that positive things are always called for, that the idea things are mean and bad being okay is not so everywhere.  Therefore, you should always do what is least violent.

People wait until I feel upset and then feel they are okay.

Since there are blondes out there looking for sex with older ladies, if I say hi it's an insult right away.

The poster image for Late Boomers is people who have a dad born after 1950 even if their mom is older than mine.

People think pretending I need to be ashamed makes them mature.

That looks really bad.  Who cares about you?

Some people think I'm the bad guy in all of this, now.

People fight me to make seem bad defending myself, like it's my fault, we could have gotten along.

cont.

So, they keep exploiting her.

People think I don't deserve my "relationship" with an older lady.

People are just bothering my private life.

Update

New Forum

Generation X does not know what they are doing and act like they are really getting mad at me when they discipline their own kids.

Riling Us Up

Usually, older people, like in their late 40s and 50s, act like we should be calm and wait for life, but now people even older are copying younger people, and it's not appropriate for some of them if they do because they all seem to do it.  Why should I worry about anything?

People say I get something but go all coocoo that it's bad often.

A Simple Solution

Do nothing when Orlandoinians are around.

I get to watch people on TV in movies and such if I want battle out life like they were me and they don't give a care about Pirates.

Some things look impossible, with some people, though I am very thankful for other things.

My life, overall in ways, has been "shit."  It's not some people's fault.

^You don't have to have anything.^  ^Nothing else matters.^  These people are going over like they are okay.

I see someone acting goofy who "found out," through the air, about an older lady I like.  I saw a commercial where he tried to look and be like her, in a way that did not fit well.  Just ask anyone off the streets.  Are you "dumb" to answer if you'd want that to happen to you? have some little nursery to recite back at me, instead? crazy, little "brats!"

What if the older lady I like cannot demand it to start but I don't like it and it happens a lot and it could get me in trouble with her in some way now?

They see me how they fantasize.

They make other people look good and me look bad.

People keep telling me I'm shit, like I was before too.

We aren't sisters.

I realize some people are set for failure, but why me?

Giving up on Life

I think, when I punched a hole in my wall by accident and moreso when I hit my table, I damaged my arms and it's taking a long time to learn violin well now.

I think I might stop violin lessons so I can practice my way.  I'm worried about incentive and feeling uncomfortable with the people monitoring me in private, these days.

The best people are with me is coming out and acting mean, as opposed to pretending like they are nice to me, which they do, too.

I've lost interest in the world.  I don't know why I was into it if this is what's behind it.  They just blame other people or things or say it is too bad and an accident.