Hey yeah... the people overlooking me in private act like I need to relax but also that I need to give up on dreaming.

"Use it or lose it."

It keeps me in shape.

I'm excited about finishing school in 3 more semesters.

Hey.. they are nice to white people.

What the hell do people on this here earth want?

I am wondering if I was disapproved of and that's the agenda... interested, of course.  Something I did.  Is it because I don't have nice clothes???

Oh, and me realizing all this is a supposed temporary relief, like it's back to hiding.  I feel kidnapped, shut away for years and years.  Aren't you supposed to live without all this being knocked into a certain place?  I think I just need to unwind from the me accidentally saying "nigger" online about someone when I was harassed racially.  I didn't know how bad it was and was in a fight.  Depends on who...  My parents started being disapproving to me around then.  2009.

I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong.

I know I get upset there's nothing to do online but this.

They are just sucking on their private knowledge and lack of future planning..

That's funny...  My life sucks socially because my dad is upset in the way.

The people monitoring me in private have a no, like an older lady I like didn't approve of me, like she knows me in secret and has to take things the wrong way or something.  How is that information made available to the public? to appeal to their senses?

My mom seems sad, like something is about to happen to me.  They don't care about my dead body.

No, I said I was lonely, even with anyone.

Why are people acting like something is wrong with me?

People are acting like I have shame.

Do you know about a "slow and painful death" as opposed to a quick one?  It's a similar thing.

I feel I'm slowly being told no.

I spent my time being upset, forgetting values and to avoid things.