My life can be permeated with the private waste pathetically worrying every day about how the older lady I like is now because I care about how the people involved monitoring me in private are to her because of someone being ditzy acting like this is real and another person I liked saying like what does it look like, etc.; they can't buy it's a game for any reason and pretend something is real they don't know.  They want to do something to seem important.