I can't fight for my life and can't get it back, like nothing means anything for me, in such a simple, personal way.  Other people are okay, but I won't ever get what I want if it's how things are now, in certain ways...

This is just a series of accidents to corner an older lady I like I have a good relationship with to make her feel inappropriately stimulated and special in a series of uncontrolled, suggestive ways, as though they are just biding time and for fun.  They decided she was abnormal if she liked me because of my mixed race.