Saturday, August 11, 2018

Who is there to control LA?

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People think I am doomed and act selfish with information about this.

Wanna fight?

Someone bothered me and said it was all about an older lady I like being inappropriately stimulated to punish me, like nothing happened and nothing impresses them.
My dad is being extremely suggestive, like I have too much fun all my life.  He wasn't like this before out in the open.
I ended up stimulating myself, and my dad might have made my life worse for it.

He is acting like he still has control over me at age 32 and acting like I'm nothing and in trouble all the time, when I didn't do anything wrong.
Is this a joke, with different ways of looking at things and doing things?
They have nothing to do and are creating more problems because of this.
Things were better without them.
They keep doing these suggestive things.
They try to make it so it's not good for me.
She did some things to fix problems, but they probably get taken away sorta.
I have a good relationship with an older lady, and other people are coming in and testing me like I'm not good enough.
Day after day, they are sitting here questioning my options.
I do want more people underground famous.
I can even sense by the people monitoring me in private the idea of my dad's older younger sister influencing events, and it seems like a fail and is tacky...
It's like the older lady I like needs a manager to speak for her.
Misery loves company.  If other people are mushy with their parents in inappropriate ways does not mean everyone should do it.  In fact, they need to stop.
Everyone is going crazy to spread anything they can telepathically about an older lady I like.  Does that mean anything wrong for our relationship?
I don't have certain kinds of things to do.  Some of these problems are just distractions.
Can we at least try to get rid of anything that emotionally etc. hurts the older lady I like?
England is to Germany like Germany is to Russia and China?  Germans have some central air about them, too, though.  Asians are real people from another country.  I wonder why Russia sometimes seems weird.
Why am I in trouble?
They must be insecure.

How could everyone find out?
Why is this a popular topic?
Everyone's playing around with how important the older lady I like is, when it's none of their business.
I can't really live my life like before.
It's like some people, like involved monitoring me in private, have access to the older lady I like like anyone can just do this to anyone.

A Joke?

Generation X was raised on popular movies and cartoons.
People keep acting like I'm nothing, including the people monitoring me in private, to pressure me.
So, this lady wasn't supposed to have this but maybe she should have something good, but they are doing it at the sacrifice of my relationship.

I feel like I'm plastered and can't do anything mad because the people want to do it and they are mad at me for something important for no reason.  They found out, too, things that they'd want to ruin.
I don't see Germans as better because people are acting like they are defensive of their country and pure race.  They probably are using binoculars to watch the US from Europe to makes sure they don't come back.
Someone was gay and made me feel I was connected to them in ways where I am not disgusting and they are, like we are "attached at the hip" literally.
They are bad.  Let the older lady I like dictate some of her life.
Someone said they wouldn't stop and I don't have anything to look forward to.
The people monitoring me in private are acing mocking to me.
They might let someone get mad at something.

"Clueless" vs. "Rebel Without a Clue"

People are just coming up with the idea they need to stimulate the older lady I like.  It's getting better in public, but the people involved monitoring me in private still see me as in trouble so I can't fix it.  They do whatever they want.
Don't worry, everything they do has an excuse.
I'm not bad.  They are, though, very bad.
They just pretended I said something tacky and submissive.  Look at them lie, "look at them go!"
How did she end up there?
They want the older lady I like to always be inappropriately stimulated by their craziness.
...and it's my relationship
The people monitoring me are acting like I'm being bad to say.
It's not a toy.
They are teasing me so I don't know in different ways what is going on and they are secretly ruining the older lady I like.
They just won't stop.  The new thing is to always have pleasure in her seen as being taking a sexual bath with only a few little spurts found out now and then.  They're stubborn, they're just sitting there.  Sounds like my dad's older younger sister working for my dad there.
So, does anyone "in their right mind" think the older lady I like being exploited was good and exciting?
I'm excited about school starting and teaching myself violin on Suzuki and learning German with my book and MP3 player!  In a little over a week.  I also plan to shop at another mall or Wal-Mart for 1 more outfit for school so I'll have 5, one for each day of school.

Twitter

The person took the older lady I like, they said.
Like I said, someone thinks me saying they did something they did, on my blog, is bad because I should accept it as a punishment.
It's funny to see people who are different from the older lady I like acting like everyone likes her and wants to steal her attention.
What is this, listen to Dad?  They keep being upset and irritated.
So, are we to cheer on this lady like this was good but the reason used to be bad and now we don't care why?  I thought she didn't want to be underground famous and get too much attention, in a certain way.  People do it, anyway, greedy about generation and race, intent to keep me from her, it seems in some ways.  It's probably because of how much I like her.  People did this! and it's affecting my relationship.

"This just in."

I was gonna go back and delete posts, but I saw a commercial that just said the same thing.  They are acting like I did something wrong in saying what happened, like it was to be hidden.
So, what did I do wrong?

Now, I'm thinking multiple people exploited the older lady I like for no reason because I was supposedly in trouble.
They are threatening my relationship at all for attention, to make it irritating.
Things seem kinda okay, not really affecting me.
What are some people dealing with?
No one seems to get my minor problems.
They won't stop!  I wanna stop now!
The people monitoring me in private are irritating.  I think they are messing with things, like trying to make me not feel anything and feel big.
She was already underground famous, but with the election you just sky rocketed.
So, who got excited and participated?  No one cares.
They said someone is fooling around if I can have a relationship with someone because they know her.  That's what they said, maybe lying.
I'm trying to settle down, and they keep bothering me.
See, that's the answer, that I don't get to ever be happy in any question this person addresses.  I can never be right with the truth.  This person is "mean" to people, in how she acts, like that's the "mystery," that I'm wrong or they're wrong to feel good about what we do and who we are.  If we feel that way, it's like this person is saying no like a long mystery we cannot solve, at least that's how it is for me with being stalked.
What, should I not "talk it out?"  I was upset about my relationship diminishing in certain ways.  I was pretty sure of why, that someone specific did it.

They said that the older lady I like gets inappropriately stimulated and ruined, and they "barge in" my private life and take away my being able to feel as good and relationships.

I feel my body poofing up when I post now.
Now, it's my face.
Now, my body is messed up.
I'm not doing anything, they keep going!
It's not a rule!
They are inhumane.  They won't let me have my relationship because they are superstitious.
They are having an older lady I like especially inappropriately stimulated because of this.
They keep threatening me.
They are not stopping.

They are acting like I'm crazy, when they are.
They are judging me because I don't always talk in my head when something happens.
Are they being cheap listening to my dad at all?
The people monitoring me in private keep beating at me all tacky like it's okay like I did something wrong when I don't know what to do if it doesn't stop if I post at all about it.
I'm still feeling the silly problem.
I'm under a watch.
They're just being rude and treating me stupidly!
It feels like something bad happens to my body when I post about this now.
I didn't do anything wrong.  You did.
They keep irritating my physical parts.
What am I gonna do?  They said I can't meet the older lady I like, like some game.
How goofy, I can't talk about something.
I'm feeling bad they do this, have this person take out their anger on me and ruining things in my life, though when you encounter them they are all friendly, but still they did it.  I'm being pursued, stalked.  They think it's a treat I can communicate some, but it ends up like this, even when I don't.  I just wanted to post about it.  I didn't do anything wrong.  This doesn't make sense more than most things.

So, what am I gonna do if they hurt and threaten me, like I'm nothing?  Was this person chosen to beat me up emotionally like some joke?  Oh, Christina can take everything.  This person can't even own it.  They keep being mean to me when I post about what I posted about.
I thought I'd try not talking about it, and now my attempt became a new rule.
I was just talking about what happened.
They said I could not meet the older lady I like.  See?  They did it.

I see the person I was talking about "just" came in and collected something important to me, tainted an experience with a reminder.
They have more information, but I just came here for that and to bed.
I think I am framed no matter what I post.  I didn't even get something I wanted when I didn't even open up, too.  So what?  I just don't want them to hurt anyone etc. or do anything bad.
Hello?  Why is my life so bad if I just wanna talk about something on my blog?
Why can't this problem go away?
I dislike "sarcasm" that I'm inconsiderate.  I see it happen, even if denied!
You're not supposed to feel submissive.
I already know someone whose name I didn't mention wants people to be appropriate thinking they won't get anything in life because of their younger generation.
I can't fight for my life and can't get it back, like nothing means anything for me, in such a simple, personal way.  Other people are okay, but I won't ever get what I want if it's how things are now, in certain ways...

This is just a series of accidents to corner an older lady I like I have a good relationship with to make her feel inappropriately stimulated and special in a series of uncontrolled, suggestive ways, as though they are just biding time and for fun.  They decided she was abnormal if she liked me because of my mixed race.
I feel set up, like I am just a game.
I think I got in trouble for a post I made that was taken the wrong way.  Things I do are taken the wrong way.  I guess it is this spiderweb of fantasy.
So, I already said what my life was.
I was gonna say good night, but there is no one out there to say good night to.

Well, the general public and nice, normal people.
I just wanted to talk about things I will never get.
How is it better?  It's not a part of the plan.  Someone did it.
They said the problems is where the excitement comes from.  I guess it's too bad.  I really lost something.  I don't expect anything but see others can get some of these things I can't.
Why can't I safely like people?
So, I guess I don't have to worry, no one out there for me but IMDb.
I'm trying to ignore my family getting all in the action.
It's called a career.
Is this what I do every day?
They didn't used to do this, but now they act like my associations with memory are at a constant risk.  They just think I am in trouble.  Look at my life go by, "what a waste!"
What should I do?  If I do what's right, they might hurt the older lady I like permanently.
They think they can punish me for what I said.
Why do we include and please bad people?
What's it feel like if you're from up north to hear about real Floridians?
I know I do good things, but do good things usually happen to me, anymore?
What if they do something to someone other than me?
I have already called the police and reported people.
I sorta was wary and warning of this.
It was a simple thing.  "Is it so hard to ask?"  Now, can I get on with my life?
They weren't here to do this and me get stolen from.
People still out to get me?
I already said the world cared and made it okay.  Now, what's the problem?
It's good as done!
I feel threatened for revealing this information.
They've been waiting years "for this moment."
They are laughing about it.
Why isn't it the same?
They probably don't know they did it.
I think someone specific did it, I mean, but I don't want to say who.
She was and still is supposed to have a good relationship with me.  I think someone did it.  They are just thinking I'm in trouble and I don't matter.  They think I'm not good enough and that they should prevent me from having a good relationship with her.
I don't even have a good relationship in some ways like before.
I'm not fighting her...
I can't get it back! anyway! and it's been important for her for 1 1/2  years.
If I let someone else have all this and me sorta left in the dust in some ways, I can't even have my relationship be okay?
I just found out some people look like the older lady I like to "molest" her because they are older.
I guess your plan failed.
Maybe, there is more than one person responsible.
You're just feeding your fantasies.
"Oh, no, she needs it!"

You just wanted to ruin my relationship, and you are treating her like a nutcase.
Things were okay.  Now, they keep saying that they need to drop the other shoe and it won't be like before for me.  They think they can personally control an older lady I like.
"I mean it's the whole world!"

Pleasure for bad people to realize.

Ruined Relationship

Something is changed.
My life is being hurt by others and they are including an older lady I like in their posse, supposedly.

"Money can't buy everything."
I used to simply have a relationship with someone I greatly respected.  It's other people who are turning her into money saying she's "worth" too much for me because everyone wants her.  She already was okay with me, but now it's possible it was never serious, like a joke or something you look at on different sides.  Why does the older lady I like get encouraged not to care about me when she wants to, but it's like I don't "have" to have anything and some bad people are inappropriately stimulating her.
They just keep testing you.
That's the end of every issue, all of a sudden.
Why are Americans obsessed with telling Generation X/XY they are wrong?

Friday, August 10, 2018

Disney Doorables


I think I want Alice in Wonderland for the Cheshire Cat.  Frozen has a nice set, though.  Wait, I can't find it being sold.

So, maybe this?



Actually, I would prefer a doll with reddish blonde hair.

Tricked!

My Thoughts Gone Haywire
I feel like I'm being scanned for hidden sarcastic messages yet sorta pushed into the dishonorable thoughts, like other people said it and it came up, even possibly later on.

Losing out, Socially
People can be wrongly strict to me, maybe for reasons like just to make an excuse to say they talked to me, and get away with it like it doesn't affect anyone.  In the end, I lose out on some important relationships.
People keep thinking I'm bad when others are the ones bad to me, like if I just watch them to take it back or to challenge them for doing that to me.  No one cares.  It's not their problem.
It's like I got trapped.

Was this meant to be?
What if someone on TV could affect someone just by what they do?  Hey, this sounds like fun!
It said there are good reasons and bad reasons for the exploitation of the older lady I like.
They are popping back up later telling me they really meant it, bad things and maybe things people made up seemingly or I knew by chance, an overload of excitement and information.

Why are people saying I'm being mean when I talk about these problems?  The older lady said it was bad.
People are saying my talking about my problems on my blog is bad.  It's a very impartial experience.
I think I have it down, now.  Of course, never upset at the older lady I like, even if she was exploited on purpose.

Suffering

I have no place in this world.
Baby Boomers believe Generation X/XY were just boring as people and not that life was more strict back when they were young.  They say they just somehow had these other babies later that made life more interesting, as an example to us and something we may never have.

That's just an excuse.  It's not true.
They're trying to prevent an older lady I like from caring about my underground fame but still she's important and now they took away solace of that situaiton.
It was there before an things were going good for me.
Everything I do gets shot down.
I'm not impressed with people who think they are sacrificial by saying it's all about one person out there who looks like Goldilocks.
I don't like that cozy feeling from my dad that he thinks he's shelter as a European to me as his mixed race thing.
I'm bored with nothing to do.  Should I go birdwatching?
Are people only nice to get ditzy and drunk in the end?

I'm in danger.

The people monitoring me in private are dealing with people I know who are an emotional and social threat, and there are some problems they have to pave the way for and exemplify.
Someone is taking out their anger on me that others ruined their life, but they are not mean to others.  They even fear them and like them, under it all.

"Oh, no! Call the police!"

Some people don't talk to me in real life, but they make fun of me about things we talk telepathically.
People are afraid to make a move with or talk to me unless it's connected to a supposed punishment.
Why am I haunted with future doom?
I was supposed to matter, but supposedly someone I know involved monitoring me in private wants to make it so an older lady I like is in more need and can't care about me.
They keep ruining my life if they don't like the truth or are sheltering me from my posts.
People are trying to believe that I can't communicate but that people I know can relate well who are racist to me.

I saw a concert, and the lady there acted like she could connect to my dad, and my aunt already stepped aside.  I wasn't much, in some way.  I followed her online, too.
They just spin out all dizzy.

No More Kids

because Late Boomers didn't have to care

Update

Delphi Forums Profile

I first came to Delphi Forums in 2008, 10 years ago!
I want to ignore it, but the people involved monitoring me in private keep ruining my favorite relationships.
Some people keep ruining my life, people I see, people monitoring me in private, and I my thoughts about some of Hollywood or people on TV there are questionable though.
They keep abusing me and saying I ruined it.
The older lady I like is not some nutcase.

People close enough to communicate with me are.
They're making this a joke.
but it was okay before and they won't stop making stuff up that I end up posting about
but they are stealing my relationship
Well, I hung up laundry and starting washing my pajamas.
They keep ruining it when I post here about my problems.
What's their problem!?
but I had it better before, in certain ways
So, it's true, they are messing with my life.
😠
They keep celebrating.
They took away their only remaining solution, maybe, and used the excuse they let someone else decide to stimulate the older lady I like.
What can I do?
I was settling down, and they started to irritate me.
They said it would ruin my life, what they did.

Forum Post by Me

The people here are racist as they are righteous.

They are careful how they talk to people, like they are careful to be racist.
They said someone else can control it to stimulate the older lady I like.
They can do whatever they want.
The people monitoring me in private said my relationship was "null and void."  They made things different before.
I don't feel good about it anyway.
The people of Orlando, some are being silly labeling my feelings like I didn't "get" to do something.
So, who cares about the other people who did this to us?
I was just talking about a problem.

I feel the people monitoring me in private watching my every typo.  I thought this was supposed to end?  I'm 32.
So, they are quietly getting by like I didn't know what a person wanted from me.

Update

My Stuff - Me Online

Delphi Forums
My life is miserable.
They said she is abusing me.
They said the older lady I like hurt me for talking on my blog.
What did I do wrong?  Have I been tricked?
What if it gets bad?
What if the older lady I like really has a problem if I am sad my underground fame doesn't mean anything to her and/because it's always important that she is underground famous in a way that is made bad by others or something?  What if it isn't something she likes?
So, now, she feels good, without people being mean to her, like the people monitoring me in private told me was the only reality, in a way, I could have feelings about for myself.
I was unclear that the older lady I like is said that she doesn't think I'm "as good" as before.

Like, whenever I complain about my relationship being ruined?  I try not to, but people, like the people monitoring me in private, say all these bad things and people around the city.  It happens.

Like, I feel I was in trouble for not knowing she really was upset with me.
Suddenly, they have to swear the older lady I like is better than primarily me.
Why should I follow the temporary mistakes of my parents for the rest of my life?
People expect me not to be like my relatives, certain ones.
The older lady I like was already underground famous.
I keep being made fun of for my private feelings, partially through the people monitoring me in private.
I think highly of other people, better in their own way that is good.
This nonsense won't stop, neither.
They think they can ruin my life now.  They are asking to sacrifice for the older lady I like in saying she is better, but other people are not better than me.
People try to take away and replace my relationships.
Why can people change my relationship?
I feel like the news that is exciting to them is slowly coming true.
They are acting like the relationship is over.
They also said I don't get to feel good and invading my private life via what they know through the people monitoring me in private somehow.
People are pretending I am bad and going in and taking everything from me, like people I know.  They are being inappropriately suggestive to an older lady I like and "adding" "sex" supposedly, like she's not been okay.

What should I buy?

A new laptop?

A Kindle?

More clothes!   I mean when September does roll along.  I have to be ready.

I'm excited!  I have to call and find out about moving, to Germany, and what English speakers can do, while I learn German.
Leftovers!
I don't want to run into anyone in the kitchen, though.
I don't feel as good but left tired.

I wonder what all I have left to eat... cheese...
Well, I didn't really lose someone, but it's something I end up finding others have me think about.
Well, I'm feeling tired.  It's cold in here, and I don't have anything to wear, that's good for now maybe.  Laundry?  Bed?  I got a new outfit yesterday.  I need at least 5 for school and have 4 now.  I have some sweaters to wash somewhere buried.

Depressed

I don't look as good as I used to, and maybe I can't go back.  Like I got too much California sunshine.
I wish I knew what to post ... or maybe I will make a Wix site.
What?  It feels like there is nothing to do, here.  What should I do, play exotic bird Bingo?
Other people feel good about him, some of them.

Something Unhealthy and Unfair

My dad is secretly acting like big mamma now because my mom is Asian, but I dislike even more.
So, if I feel hurt, sometimes, I want to go lie in bed.  I can't tell if it's from being tired, like I always am on pills.  It's always me the loser.  I feel addicted, at any time, in my room I know.  Why not?  When I'm out, I dream of having bed in my life.
Now, they think this is okay, and it's been that way, for 1 1/2 years.
Why did Orlando do the impossible?
Like I said on a forum...

I don't feel up and am going to lie down.  I have nothing I have to do right now, anyway.

I need to rest up for school, sometime.


I heard a noise outside, probably my dad.  He thinks I am bad and should not be allowed to move to Germany, like I stay in a place as bad as Orlando where he can be mean to me, living with him or seeing him.  Even if I leave, he talks to me, though I didn't in college.  I'm not sure what to do.  He wants me to leave but also to stay.  I am 32 and he thinks I just decided to run away.  Other people don't live with their parents.  People usually leave by now.  In Ireland, people sometimes stay until they are around 30 because of money.  My German foreign exchange student in 12th grade I think said she has 2 more grades of high school than the US.  So, my dad is saying I want to have fun in an okay place, but I have to get used to it here with him, though he also doesn't really want me here otherwise.


Should I still lie down?  Maybe, I can do some laundry.


My dad doesn't really like me here, just wants to punish me in any way he can like he's an okay citizen at that, using me as a part of what he decides is okay.


I was comfortable with the idea of getting my AA first and then moving to Germany.

About school, I have to submit an appeal for financial aid and school starts in about a week then.  I have to go Monday when it's opened I think and type it up and send it by then.  I want to work if this doesn't work out and move to Germany without my AA.  Not sure how that would go, maybe just wait a little longer I guess then and get my AA still.  The other community college has not contacted me back, yet, with a note to get back in, soon, I sent at least a month ago.
Talk about making me go crazy and making my problems get bigger.
That's like me telling on my mom and being put into foster care.
I wonder if my dad wants people to get stimulated by conspiring about doing illegal things to me, and the people monitoring me in private distribute the deed.

Failed the Exam of Life

I did poorly in college because it was too hard.

I moved to Orlando and ended up spamming people advice, who didn't answer mostly, and was upset at someone via e-mail.

I've stomped my foot in public, in some way..., at people sending me telepathic messages of racism to me.

I used store cards as allowance and we forgot a payment or something and were charged more, before spent the money my parents gave me but didn't technically say when to use.


I've grown up with people saying I'm perfect, well-behaved, smart ... that I could never get in trouble.  Now, my life sometimes focuses most strongly on these few things that happened when I found I was being monitored in private and mistreated and we moved to Orlando and I had to come home from college.

A Personally Muddled Network

Did you know the people monitoring me in private bring up my relatives who rarely talk to me and friends who no longer talk to me?  I have wanted to talk to people, but we have fallen behind.  I wonder why this is.  They are brought up either just as a supposed discipline tool or for something to talk about, too.  My family got a step closer, too, when we happened to move to Orlando.  I yelled for my mom to get out of my room, this one time earlier on.  I was sorta ignored in the family, though, after I had to come home from a prestigious college with the 2nd highest scholarship, after being told not to take singing because I wasn't the type.

Update

side of blog

Please post on my forum!

My Forum
You know, people like to be suggestive to an older lady I like.  They are really being mean because I'm alive.

Thursday, August 9, 2018

but they make the reason to get her away from me when they sometimes think it's because she was with me
It's always because I'm supposedly in trouble.

Even if people aren't guilty.

I wonder if she is happy and likes it.  That is good.  I mean, I'm ready to live my life, but we keep talking about this weird stuff sometimes.  I don't want to think I ruined it.  All I tried to do to start was express my concern and intelligence.  I guess people "lost it."  I was posting on my blog, not trying to ring on people busy in the situation.

I think people are just confused and don't know what they want.  I saw a girl born around 1997/1998 probably with old parents pass by in a line at Disney, and I thought I saw she thought to her mom, "What I want?  I don't know what I want."  It was like it was too much to ask of her in any way.  You know, people are intent to not let people feel special like that.

I think this lady needs that, but I thought she already got it.  I wonder why she is alone.
I can tell people are participating with the monitoring me in private.

the best football game

New Orleans vs Jacksonville FL which is about the same latitude
I try to avoid this topic, but even at home it is important.
What is LA, the opposite of everything?
Why does it have to be this way?   You know, people did it to her individually, but she's gone, in certain ways.
Why is the older lady I like inappropriately stimulated?
I don't have problems, but my life got more boring in some ways leaving college with nowhere good to go.
So... my life is much better, but that's not the only reason why.
I think the world is taking it great, but I feel sorry for them in some ways.  It's still gone, and I feel like I don't care there might not be an afterlife.  Who thinks that?  People have accumulated themselves in anti-God religions in some comfort that it might be there.  Witches.
Hey, it can be drastically worse to go through this.
People are under the illusion that if anyone knows about the older lady I like that it's the widespread underground fame.
It seems like one person has changed my life.
It looks like it can't be okay because supposedly it wasn't important for me but maybe okay because it is for her.
I'm not gonna accept other people saying I'm bad.
Also, people are promoting her for her generation and race.
It's the people in the world who are closer to me making this bad, it seems sometimes, acting like I'm bad and need to be punished.  It might be okay, though, because the older lady might have done it.
They aren't doing anything important with the lady, just want to punish me, for selfish reasons.
People don't care.  This is worse than OJ.
It seems like I lost the relationship in some ways, like I'm rooting on the exploitation.
Well, this comes up sometimes, like I'm a werewolf, but hasn't been often.  It seems like the answer to the question about what the problem supposedly is.
Supposedly, we were gonna make the older lady I like okay and then go back to business.
I don't like the way they promote the older lady I like.

Why is it all about underground fame now that the older lady I like is underground famous, but I'm treated like I'm bad?
What, did they think the older lady I like didn't fit in right?
There's not much going on, just realize more shit like how adults don't care about kids.
Anyway, aside from "saying" and overly focusing on that, how will I be okay?
I do forget about the lady in cases like this.
Someone said I was a part of my family which is a failure, but I think she liked it, and I just found out it's true but "not liked."
...but just listen, I am nothing to the older lady I liked and "stuck" with other people still.
I'm not sure what will become of my life in progress.  I made progress that I can make a stand, a feeling like cursing but not disgusting, something more "local" of life, that can be practiced in the home or halfway house, as well as on this blog...
This is just evil, but I don't care.
Whoever did it!
Why aren't other people important?
I don't need my thoughts and attitudes trashed what I go through.
I'll never have anything.  I don't even care if there is an afterlife.  I find comfort in material things.
I think my yearnings have been stolen.  It's not there, anymore.  You know, it used to be important.
They are just trying to humiliate me, for little things, and let other people get all the good stuff.
It is suggested some people I knew was hurt by someone and now this.
What, are these 1 1/2 years a joke?
I want it back! whatever other people think they can take from me. but I don't care anymore.
How can I have a relationship with an older lady I like if I can't stand that since she's exploited by people thinking I'm in trouble that she doesn't care about my underground fame because it doesn't make sense now that she's "equally" underground famous maybe, like she could have "lost it."  She "doesn't need me" and her underground fame is more suggestive, like I don't exist anymore and I don't want someone else to replace her for me.
Is everyone going to be like 1 person in how they are "stimulated" when this person was "younger?"
I don't want to go by what my parents are, so who cares if I copied someone else?
I still don't know if it's a race where everyone wants 1 thing.  I was a strong member of the group of people who "know" everyone is different ... unique.  We all have a place, though most people are complacent.  I wonder if anyone thinks they should exactly have what I have but then have it better and more.  I am not a brat, though.
Don't bother complaining, no one can make anyone do anything.
Why do some Germans act like they are better when they are not?

Instagram

Ooh!

November 2016 but I think it was shot earlier.

A post shared by joan (@cibernautajoan) on

Instagram

Peculiar.  I was interested in Germany and still am.

A post shared by Lady D ♛ (@soy_alii) on
I was right, there was something wrong with inappropriate stimulation for the older lady I like because people think she got addicted and I will be stuck alone with less.
I included my feelings for other races in how I look in a positive way as an introduction to the world, but it does not make me bad racially, like Germans are better now and not even the same amount good.
It's funny when all the people who you think would like you who are cool and emotional and different ages ... act like you didn't want to talk to them ... and people think you're too good for even such good people even for fun you could have in life and the rush... but in the end you rot and not have a good life involving others well.

Also, I noticed that someone acts like they are the only person in the world who did what they were supposed to and they are just asking for like people to step up, but when a younger person has a contribution in such a way, it turns out they said they were the only person who were allowed to be emotional, in this regard, because they were born in this world first and are the original person who did this.

Wednesday, August 8, 2018

I think it's nice if the older lady I like likes to be underground famous.
I know her generation and race made her attractive, but people still are more attracted to other people for their differences but don't say it.

If I like her, they say that means I am not allowed to have a good relationship with her because they think that means she's too good for me, like that's just their kind of logic but just for me.
You know, so what if the older lady I like is underground famous?  Now, she seems like she's better than me and not as attracted to me, in some ways, and it's what people like in my life day to day and weird.
Well, it did happen, and she was already famous underground.
In what ways can life be about pain?

My College - "Way to Go!"

People always thought I was smart.
(concerning roping off a realistic problem)

or you can be innovative and go ballistic
Okay, so, now, I'm just wondering if the older lady I like isn't as much of a relationship, what with me seeming in trouble and all for no reason otherwise, because she was exploited, 2 birds in one stone.  I realize life is life and if it was worse maybe there would be a solution.  Do people like this better in their subconscious questioning?  It's funny maybe she's likable by all, like as far as what she looks like and how she acts goes etc.  I mean, sometimes I thought everyone liked me when I was younger, but they didn't want to be me and look like me.

I've seen it.

People sense they will have a problem and rope out a collective solution for everybody, working together.
I wonder if Suzuki is so cute because it's for people who don't learn as easily.

Update

I added another online forum: KMC.
I don't mean anything bad to the older lady I like, unlike a lot of people.
Some people keep acting like I am in trouble.
The people monitoring me in private are being mean to me pretending I was bad, how they translated my blog, to be safe.
Too many comment-less pictures and quotes on Facebook.
I can't say anything.  People just take it too seriously, and it confuses me in some ways.
They keep acting like it's about inappropriately stimulating an older lady I like.
Here's the joke.  They made me not feel as much so I would not stimulate myself,  watching the older lady I like feel too much inappropriately.
I was excited about something important and fundamental, but they ruined it.
Why can't young people today ever have it good?
They're selfishly making the older lady I like not care about me.
I hear cars outside bargaining with the older lady I like, like they are provoked.   They keep saying because she is so nice to me she should stop and be inappropriately stimulated.
I think someone craves giving the older lady I like a feeling where she is stupid and rebounds and says she's cool and this is the life.
They want to prove the older lady I like I can't look up to.
I hear the cars outside.  They are biding time and acting like the older lady I like is especially emotionally challenged, doing  things to her that were done to me just to care but to her in this way, acting like she needs to review and test out problems, personally.
The people monitoring me in private are mad I'm fed up with anything to do with the care of the older lady I like because of them messing around like I'm in trouble or it's nothing.
I want to be on good friendly terms with the people monitoring me in private, but sometimes I wonder if they did it.
My life can be permeated with the private waste pathetically worrying every day about how the older lady I like is now because I care about how the people involved monitoring me in private are to her because of someone being ditzy acting like this is real and another person I liked saying like what does it look like, etc.; they can't buy it's a game for any reason and pretend something is real they don't know.  They want to do something to seem important.
My dad said I should chose the instrument I like the sound of best when he cornered me after starting piano lessons.  Well, later, I found I already liked the violin, but it's not because of how it sounds, itself alone.  How was I to know or even know now, with all this pressure.  I noticed, by and large, the piano wasn't a standard classical musical instrument.  I felt like I didn't even know real music.

The band teacher tried to recruit me, but I would have joined school group music only if there was an orchestra, per chance.  I was upset there wasn't.  I was already in piano and busy, and I wasn't actually ready to join a professional youth orchestra.  See, in school, you can start as a beginner in band or orchestra and probably still perform.
They are acting like they are inappropriately stimulating the older lady I like and making it so I can't feel about things, like I'm desensitized.  They are tacky and evil and it's stupid, doing it like a ceremony, like I'm bad and in trouble.  They think they are all professional.  They shouldn't actually be involved.  They feel important here.  They are surrounding the older lady I like like she is "special" in that way.  They have nothing to offer.
Did you know some people dedicate their life to fighting crime, in comfort.
I guess they are just fooling around with me in trouble.  👿
So, things are under control.

YouTube

2009

I'm fine with this.  😈
What pisses me off is when most people taking charge don't get basic facts and review them with me over and over and over and over, like my feelings about this issue not being put together in a way they can identify/recognize so they can  talk about other things.
They just took to her by storm, but they left me in the dust.
...and she feels uncomfortable because hers is different where people try to inappropriately stimulate her and keep me from talking to her in the way she did before, seems even more like a baby how she is presented other than everyone tapping into her looks somehow to prove they are indeed white
...because it makes her uncomfortable, like I'm worthless, because she is underground famous now but because it happened all at once.
I know what else upsets me.  My underground fame part of my life means nothing to the older lady I like for now.  Why is underground fame important?
Most people are ugly.
...and I when I say I already can tell, I know me.
What are people building up to?
But I already know I look ugly.
What is this, fantasy football and I'm losing?
Man, I was supposed to be in bed.  I had to eat, with the fantasy my heart could stop if not.

A Political Affair

Something upset me in my Problems blog that is kind of interesting:

They are having an older lady I like making her out like she's prancing around being inappropriately stimulated in her eyes while...

I was told my eyes are like nothing, not my own but that of another and then that my dad said to "come" with that in mind.


Changed for Good
Did you know someone voucher-ed her underground fame should be continued and celebrated as a good thing just  because it looked like it wouldn't stop?  My supposed heroism in underground fame stops, but I lose my relationship with this lady in some ways in the process, like there can be found reasons I am no good to her very much now, with things changing like this.  It's not something to speak of by others but a part of life.  Originally, she does not beg for fame and she still is my relationship; she gets it anyway.  I'm having some hardship.  I don't know what it is or who wants to talk about it!  People think I am bad for cursing on my blog about hurtful, illegal noises put in my room.  Other things have been in focus.

Ditzy
Now, I've had bad feelings when I get dizzy about her coming up in ways that are pretended to be a certain way.  No hard feelings for real, though.  I wonder what the big deal is when she is in la la land by others and I am in Hell by contrast, like that's all this dopey life has as possible.  What if it is?  I'm trying to fight it off, as the outside is still stupid.  There's much to take advantage of if you can "keep your wits about you."

I am not mad at her, but it comes in little wisps because people pretend to be her.  I wonder about how I suck more than most people.
I feel my life is sacrificed for her by others.
I wonder why people invite me just to act like I did something to get attention.
I wonder who she has.  She's getting older.
I don't have to be with her but wish she were okay and as safe as anyone.
Who can she speak to or see?
Wait, before I was in the right with the older lady I like.  I didn't really do anything that bad to her.
So, the people monitoring me in private are a mystery but not all there.
People keep acting like I'm a joke and get mad at me.
It seems like sometimes the older lady I like wants me not to feel good about my underground fame but hers.  I think she's backed by a lot of people really doing it.
The people monitoring me in private won't let me live my life.  I make a statement and they ruin some of the most important things to me, like the relationship with the older lady.

Update

Twitter profile and color layout
Why do people act like Ellen DeGeneres is on patrol?  I know she's gay and can act forward but not let other people be themselves, like I don't take that from other people where they can act rough and tough and leave me in the dirt like I can't be rough and tough back because with normal people I am, but Ellen is cool in my book like most people though I disagree with her on things in how she acts because of some things about where we're from the same area.
I went to the mall today.

Why not go to a different one tomorrow?
It's already washed and hanging to dry ready to wear!  I even have matching pants I switched to this shirt and have enough for what it's worth.
Oh, and I bought it for $11.
I found a shirt in style that seemed to be placed haphazardly like it was returned that fit.

Tuesday, August 7, 2018

I think Ellen DeGeneres is intimidating, but she doesn't intimidate me.  I respect her as a public icon.
People involved monitoring me in private here are making a big deal of me finding a good relationship and bothering me.
I'm sorry however you thought I felt about the new Germany.
I want to live there, but I don't think it's that I'd be in Sweden.
You can live there, but you don't know what it is.
Why are all my ancestry tests different?
You like Germany but not me?  Middle Easterners are all nice to me, it seems, but I mean people in general of any race.
Muslims can live there, but it's not what you think.  It's white.  Sometimes, Sweden is not considered as white as Germany, so if you still miss your old culture they might like you there.

WWI+II

First, I don't believe in killing.

Why do people get so attached to Germany who don't even do classical music?  I think you're confusing it for Sweden and Finland.
An older lady I like is "up" socially and people go fully through to her.
*No hard feelings on my friend.
Why were the English so trashy?  They were interested in mean people.  K thanks bye.  Anyway, they might have turned a new leaf or tried the alter ego to what they were.  I have feelings for that.  How is the country doing?
Did Germany find out I like German and look to the US to see if it was Germany?
I'm enemies of people who keep acting like I'm bad.  They're stupid.
Germans really are bad.
The people monitoring me in private are acting crazy and so are others, that, if an older lady I like seems good to me, they find out and say isn't she too good for you?
So, the people monitoring me in private are sick if they like this.
Has the world been replaced, by others?
The people monitoring me in private are suppressing my freedom of speech.  They are lying about what I really mean.
So, people agree no one amounts to anything.
The world has nothing.
Expect nothing, again.
It's true.  Germany is nothing.
My dad made me short with blackheads at 11.
I'm immune to weirdo Germans thinking they are better when they clearly aren't better off nor as a person.  No, they just know they are German.   Anyway, just don't talk to those ones? while they still like others anyway.  Most seem insecure.
The people monitoring me in private were just acting silly because they didn't know what to do about something about it.  Hm...
So, Germany is no better than the US to other people, why it's gone?
I wanted to move to Europe, but everyone hates me anyway so who cares about them?

An old friend won Germany but also things in it that were important to me, and they tried to copy her like she has flaws.

*No hard feelings on my friend.
I can start College Algebra early.
People are settling on the idea that I'm the package deal to steal from.  Anything I get that totals my present life they send off to someone else, for sport.  They know I'm good and will get rewarded.  I have some people who can't approve of me all the time, too, though.
I'm told things are okay, but I might be well alone in the present situation.  What should I do?  I mean, people are telling me lonely things.
Why do they keep manipulating my social status?
Why should I care about some people?  They are bad.
The people monitoring me in private like to just flat out disapprove of me, you know, to look good.
I'm so happy I'm doing laundry, time for movies soon!
I've been picked on for 5-6 years for complaining but also cursing on my blog about hurtful, illegal noises in my room.  People didn't say anything because it was done as a group.   People were onto me before, too.   If I talk about it, the people involved monitoring me in private get upset.  This is like being kidnapped.  I don't feel freedom nor comfort, like others.  I feel picked on for being a good person.  Who knows who takes what I post here personally.  I'm just saying, it's ridiculous.  I have too much of problems, at times.  It's become my life, all these things to do with someone.  The people monitoring me in private don't care what they do, like they are cute being mean to me.  If I did something wrong by accident, they won't leave me alone and act racist, while others are learning good things about themselves racially.  They are acting like I can't post this, being weird.  I don't have freedom of speech, and I just wanted to tell some people I have issues I can't resolve with the people monitoring me in private.

I used to be offered strange things, and it's like they took it back or think I don't matter and others do.

They get off and do it again, saying they aren't serious.

If I want to feel good, they act like I'm asking something they offered before more.

I'm stuck here with the people monitoring me in private interjecting throughout my day.

There are a lot of nice and intelligent people out there.
When I post my problems, I know the people monitoring me in private read it and it gets worse or more boring.
I want to go out, but I need my mom first.

I want to sign up for the movie deal.   I need new clothes, facial cleanser, and a new CD player, can't afford it all plus eating fast food when I watch the movie.
Everyone keeps thinking to others that my actions speak louder than words.

They think I am rotting in bed for no good reason, when I'm tired from going back to school in the summer and anticipating the fall semester with 3 classes at a community college.

If I get stimulated, they think it's just to say something.

I wanted to do more.  I have to do my laundry and may do the 3 movie a week thing, maybe not that often though.  Hm, I at least need to iron my new outfits first.  I wonder if I will get tired at the movies.  I take the bus there, too.  I wanted to try Dave & Buster's; it's like an adult Chuck E. Cheese's.  I'd like to eat out and get more clothes.  I can do the movie thing while I'm in school, too.

Monday, August 6, 2018

So, people even are interrupting the older lady I like trying to feel pleasure.
People keep acting like I'm not that good now.
It's like all this is a joke, this part.
People keep telling me I'm worse than other people.
She needs to do something, but I'm getting signals like it's something to do with our relationship that will ruin it.
That means annoying people affected her or maybe just our relationship.
What if the older lady I like needs to know to feel a lot of pleasure but does it through more drinking?
It's not impressive.
People are just acting annoying.
The people monitoring me in private think I'm gonna accept them being mean and coming off like it didn't occur, like bow down to it, though I don't think what they did was admirable.
They just know my race.
I abhor their feeling of power, lazy people.
I'm seriously not just thinking I'm saying it's okay, and it's not to be mean to me like nothing matters in my life and now I'm 32 and before I was 18.

I dislike the feeling of control from certain people who seem to be holding me at bay as a bad person in trouble, but I think they're off.  Would you chase after someone who's struggled from being in bad schools to make it out of there educated? if they had problems academically.
I'm still trying to get why this happened.  If I am happy, something gets taken away from me.  If something wasn't needed, wasn't good, wasn't wanted, people still get it.  Maybe, some things aren't always all right or all wrong.
They don't want me to find comfort in others as I like who offer themselves to me for support or guidance.

However, they manufactured the older lady I like to have problems to seem more babyish and needy than me, by exploiting her and inappropriately stimulating her.
People want an older lady I like to get to feel like she is set apart from everyone else in the world as a naked child swinging her arms slumping over standing saying with a grin, "I don't know!"

I wonder if they want everyone to start ruining themselves with drinking, too.

They want her to be inappropriately stimulated and felt for for her underground fame.


However, they are going in and cutting out and labeling my private emotions so I can't have them anymore nor get new ones.

They exploited the older lady I like unnecessarily so she could not feel comfortable caring about my underground fame I had first naturally more but connected to being monitored in private though.
It's so hard getting stronger and skilled to play the violin more.  I hope I will be good in a year when I graduate from college with my AA.
The band teacher kept trying to recruit me, but I would only want an orchestra.  I tried to play oboe alone, but it was too hard to get the instrument to make a sound.
I wanted to sing in Talented Music at 16, but they stopped when another girl joined the class, whereas before I was alone.  I was great.
I can work out playing in an orchestra, but I feel made fun of.  I like orchestral music the best.  I just never seem to hear separate parts.
I thought accompanying and playing organ got me more attention, as a "kid" at 17.
Orchestral instrumentalists seem to be an extreme case.  They grow up playing as a group and think they are all that.  Well, I grew up singing in choir, and I didn't have a good life because I liked to sing solo.
I dislike classical violin concertos I've heard.
When a piano or organ plays with a group, like maybe for local presentations, like I've seen with kids or church, they can be drowned out.
I feel discouraged in some ways on violin because people know I like classical music in Germany.
I'm having technical challenges on violin going back and starting to polish beginning songs in the Suzuki 2 book, not even sure where my Suzuki 1 book went.  I was gonna get, like, level 4.
I still feel accepted in music, like on organ or piano, but I don't want to be a church organist nor college etc. accompanist.  I also don't just want to teach.
My schedule went out of wack when I was told to quit singing at college.  I left.  They said I was not the type for music.  I was told I was worthless and sneaky.  I took singing as a Music Education major, but I didn't have to pass a singing audition to be in the singing program, as the book said, which was one reason I did it.
I sorta dreamily wanted to play violin or viola when I was in junior high or high school, but my schools didn't have an orchestra and I didn't know what to pick.  My parents gave me a violin at 16, but it didn't have a chin rest nor shoulder pad and we didn't get one.
I almost wanted to tell my mom to quit piano, after I was considered good at it, and start modern dance.  We were exposed to some Broadway in music class but not much dancing, though.
Instead of dance, I did ballet.  I know my mom put me in it at age 5.
I have a lot of stamina from things like doing gymnastics and for 2 years baton.  I even led the beginners in baton.  I did gymnastics twice a week and baton twice a week, in maybe 2nd and 3rd grade.
I remember at 1 1/2 getting a little toy piano that played a tune when you pressed a note.  I think I liked the piano.  I got a small keyboard at age 3 1/2, I think, also for Christmas.

It's hard to imagine growing up never dancing.
Gymnastics was hard but not a nightmare because I started so young, at age 1 3/4 and didn't quit until I turned 9.  It fit like a glove, in some ways.  I was considered advanced for my age, but I only got to things like back walkovers.  It was work, but I could do it.  Some of it was easy, I bet.  Some of it caught on to me as scary, in the end, like cartwheeling off a cliff into a foam pit or doing something more advanced off the vault/horse.
When I was 9, I tried to play piano by ear.  I just wanted to impress people.  My parents got me out of art and into piano lessons.  My dad then even asked me if I wanted to play another instrument, but I had no clue.

When I was 1 or 2, my mom asked me what I wanted to do.  I just wanted to exercise in gymnastics class but not compete later, just so I would look attractive and people wouldn't be able to make me feel bad about myself.  I grew up too physical like a tomboy sorta, then.  I had the pig nose, pig face.  I stopped gymnastics one time when we moved, and I started to flesh out and look more European than Asian.  It also seems to be because we lived in the oldest continuing city in the US, which was very old-fashioned, and I loved old-fashioned things and wanted to live then, like Little House on the Prairie and American Girls, with the simpler, more artistic times.
I was supposed to have a life in the world.  I wonder if I will, soon, but it seems there could be trouble knowing.  What of the wasted years hiding in my room posting on IMDb?
I keep running into my dad.
I'm bored, socially.  I'm outlawed of society.  I mean in specific ways that are close to my life.
Maybe, I'll do the movie thing after I own at least 5 new outfits, 2 more to go.  They're inexpensive.  I'll need them for school, anyway, in 2 weeks.  I look forward to eating out, too, fast food though.  I just have to iron, fold, wash and hang some things.  I thought we were having a supper, too.

Update

I added my forum to the side of this blog, rather than in an extraneous link.
What's wrong with me having my relationship?
Even though I am a hapa/Eurasian, I still feel I beat most people aesthetically.
It seems like people like Germany to be popular.
It's kind of hard to function socially with the idea that I should actually conform to all this tackiness.
People are just making things harder.
Things are worse these days, in coinciding ways that I have a better life overall now, clean.  I'm gonna get an AA in 1 year, I'm teaching myself violin myself finally, I don't keep getting a new blog, my Facebook is cool, the "IMDb" forum is going well, I am more into my plan to move to another country in Europe and learn an instrument which is Germany and violin, I made a concert to the German orchestra in NYC, I'm making deviled eggs and eating better, school made me healthier mentally and physically and emotionally and opened me up to the truth of the world and gave me ideas to be better, my music is getting better again in ways...
The people monitoring me in private are challenging me about what I used to have in a relationship.
The people monitoring me in private are going by the fact that the older lady I like is "different" now that she is exploited, though it was not important before, and speaking for her like she will burst out into saying anything at any moment, like a mental disorder or something that happens to you when you get too old.

Forum Post by Me

Should I leave Orlando?

Sure, I will miss some of the creme of the crop, but otherwise normal people can be so nasty or foolish/"stupid" about me, like I don't matter but it matters I treat them just right in a rush to get by. Many people here are socially bloodthirsty … and "stupid." The culture is a barren one, whereas the rest of the state thrives and prospers socially, maybe. Get further away from Disney suburbs, and you get closer to, say, better dance schools, I know. They wouldn't let me in and treated me like I was a joke. I went to one school in the teen class mostly, and there was a 27 year old Spanish guy in my class. In gymnastics were 40 year olds and at least the teacher employed as a tumbler and maybe the owner could hold the longest handstand and had a baby, age like 45-50? I tried to go back to dance at 27 and they acted like they didn't even know me when I said I went there already, years later. Before, I went to school free up north, in Cleveland/Berea, and later I wanted to go back and I had to pay. I might have lost my scholarship at Loyola on recommended long sabbatical. I want to move to Germany. I might after my AA next summer.
People are pushing it to make alcohol important to some people.
I was gonna do this thing where you pay $20/month for at least 3 months and see up to 3 movies a week.  First, I'll do my laundry.  I'm waiting for the kitchen to make a salad.  I'm hungry but may just go back to bed.  School in 2 weeks.  3 classes.

Sunday, August 5, 2018

I guess I'm upset at my fate.  In Orlando, when I'm in my room, I think I hear cars that usually ask questions to the older lady I like, to stimulate her in a bad way that so many of them keep doing this.

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Germans are lucky.  They are the source European country.  They don't seem like outlaws.
I am good, and they underhandedly tell me I'm not good anyway, and, if something social happens, I'm out.
I can act because I know how to talk.  It isn't a discovery for me to say something in English.
Some people seem to be getting away with ruining my life or being mean to me.
Do you know how serious I am mad at people in general making me feel ashamed of myself too much?
It doesn't seem to matter how I am sexually affected but "what" that I am.
Things like Japan seeming better or Scandinavian will always be in the way.  I know Scandinavians are upset Germans come from Norway and Norway and maybe other Scandinavian countries come from Germany.  I think I got that from Wikipedia.  A real source didn't say about that, as far as I know.
In case you didn't notice, the world kind changed.  People of  German etc. descent may be resting all the time, while I'm up worrying.
I feel I should be able to be both fully.  I have strong traits from both.  Why would Germans talk to Scandinavians? or Russians?
Asians are the most hated - wait - are they considered people?

I am actually European and Asian.  I can't see myself as just Asian.  It wouldn't be me, in many ways.
I wonder if church doesn't want me.  It looks like a bad influence.  I don't plan to attend now.  I'm on summer break from college.  I'll take 3 courses in the fall and spring and 2 more in the summer to graduate that summer, 2019.  Next semester is English II, College Algebra, and Introduction to Humanities.  One class to attend each day M-F.
I might do this thing where you can watch 3 movies a week for $20 a month for at least 3 months.
I cleaned most all of my room. I have a few things setting on some boxes and my bathroom stuff to clean.
It's people monitoring my relationship and not knowing what to do after that, too.
I feel like my life is being followed, like I can't get by behaving how I chose.  I'm not getting some things out of this.

Friday, August 3, 2018

I am considered pretty perfect, but, if one thing goes wrong, then people find a way...
Are there stars out there acting like someone has to be with my dad?
A lot of our fantasies have terminated.
Late Boomers are trained to torment Generation X/XY.  The only thing I was living for after my parental generation retire from life and such is to care about others's kids.

Like, Late Boomers will be sensitive even if they lift one finger for us or give us a pat on the back, which is only for the glory.
What are you all doing, waiting for the bad news so you can make your next move?
My dad secretly called me his little girl or something.
I was cleaning my room and having some fun posting online and feel life has regressed for me, like I did something I wasn't supposed to do.

I feel pecked at all day by the people monitoring me in private.
Why do people and the people monitoring me in private just negate what I say like a racist button telling me I'm bad? and see how fast they can do it.

cont.

like why I don't look as good, like look upset or emotionally hurt etc. or ruined etc.
I don't know what I'm being told yes and no to.  I don't have to live with older people I like.  What if there is something and I'm told a shameful no because of people involved with my life being monitored in private ... ruined it for me.
I wanted to talk about other people.
People think there is nothing else to talk about and misrepresent me.
What happened to everyone and my relationships waiting for me in life?
People keep trying to confront me about it.  People are being mean because of others, too.
Think how much people seem to have made the lady suffer.
So, why do I suffer so much?

Don't ruin my relationship in the process, whatever it is.  I guess you can't ruin it if you swear there's nothing else to question.
They want to think I am cornering people, but I'm being cornered.
People are carefreely assuming I'm supposed to have such a bad life.
See?  Everyone is excited now.
People are not fun to talk to.  If it were someone else, they could "have" whatever it is they are having.
"What's wrong with this picture?"
I'm just being happily told by "nurses" around me that I "can't have it."
If everyone just cares about their career and not about meeting people they preach to me, why don't they clear my way?
They sorta stole a relationship I had and maybe in some ways lost, but that's okay on their part.
I guess everyone is just fast-forwarding my life and wants to talk about inappropriate ideas, like I brought it up for me.
It seems like the excitement is rising as I'm slowly being told no a lot of my time.  I do suffer and wonder what to do with my life.  They think I'm bad and they are cleaning me up.  They kinda messed me up.  Also, I'm having a hard time finding food I like.
I'm sick of "stupid messages."  People think I am rude to Late Boomers, like how I act in real life.  I don't care how much trouble they are in in Hollywood.  I am polite, and these people are "acting a fool" and I don't care about them.

They think that an older lady I like is exploited because she was nice to me and I have to accept it.
I bet some people out there would like to talk to me, but no I am not alone.
If it's fun to be alone sometimes, I don't have that, neither, though some of it is fun.  So, my time is spent in strange ways.  I'm being told mixed messages, but I didn't ask for anything.