I'll try to be immune to trouble-making or me feeling sensitive.

I saw the Phantom backstage at least 2 times and once at his own concert, and he said he remembers me and read my Tweets.

Church music is something I know a lot about.

Practiced, Listening to Music

I listened to kid tapes in the car my mom put on and loved watching Barney until I was 9 when I was told not to by someone.  Everyone hated Barney.  At a athletic/sports day at school, called "field day," I had Barney sneakers, and, when it was time to go, an older boy said, "Make those Barney shoes work!"

Cool Alto Solo

I'll graduate next Summer with "my AA."  3 General Studies per semester.

Fall 2018

College Algebra
English II
Intro to Humanities

I got a 101% in Remedial Math!  I'm waiting until I take College Algebra and Trigonometry so I can take Physics and to graduate also Chemistry.  We'll see what my Speech grade is.  Hopefully a B.

I'm getting this...

...from my school bookstore tomorrow!  Tomorrow's the time to party!  It's $120!  At least, it's big ... and in style.

I'm gonna do violin alone using Suzuki and some other things I can find..

I decided to go for my AA taking 3 classes a semester.  I'll graduate next summer.

I need to find a way to Freiburg, Germany.  I want to live there to see an orchestra and have some livelihood with my AA completed, learn violin or music, like piano/organ.

Have I become a random joke?

Well, I guess I will enjoy my 3 week break, if others "let" me.

You just wanna know about my friends.

What is wrong with me not being like I'm always in trouble?

I'm not really experiencing good things.

Why do I feel people are talking at me and no to me.

I'm not top secret.

I just feel it and come home to some unpleasantness all the time.

I'm certainly not the guilty one.  I'll have to die with this curse.

I don't need to be taught a lesson.  Everyone knows.

They won't stop.

It just goes to show that you're losers.

Why am I being limited by others to my family?

Are you following the leader?

I'm fine, like most people, but then you lose it over my biraciality.

Why do I get the feeling other people are more important than me, like mostly?

Lonely

I feel so lonely with what I have to put up with.  Either I am lonely, or I am not lonely.  It's not even a big deal.  Even if I'm with people, I'm still lonely.

I do like some people here, but I don't know them very well.  There are a lotta cool people out there, here.

This was on Music Choice on a Jazz channel.

So, pretty much, things got worse and people acted like just had our Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) and that was enough.

In the end, it didn't improve our lives, it distracted and detracted from it.

It was all about people who didn't do what they were supposed to.

It made me lonely.

I disagree with how Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) ruined the world and raised adults over children, the Late Boomers over Generation X.

Why does anyone feel they have authority.  Central Florida is so stupid, overall, "sad to say."  People I know mimic that way, too, "sad to say."  Can you believe it?  How egotistical in a barren world.

But it wasn't like this originally?

Why are they telling me not to feel good but encourage others?

People keep trying to make me uncomfortable about my private life but encourage the older lady to feel important.

...but I know people have something against me that shouldn't be there and that's why.

Are things better?  It seems cleaner.  It is strange how she stuck out to others over other people.  I know I stick out but was not originally popular.  Maybe, people think I am a magnet.  It certainly is a big thing, like people said she "has" to be like she's me instead but get it even better, like the world woke up; why does it involve hurting me and having me in more and more pretend trouble?

So, if the older lady I like was already doing "these things" and okay, why are people interjecting themselves?  It seems like others are listening.

It seems like secret operation undercover to answer everyone's problems by having me suffer.

I wonder which looks more like me...

girl from a suburb in the 1950s or 1960s

mother from NYC area in the 1960s

We need to clean up today's youth.

My relatives on my dad's side are mostly originated from Pennsylvania and New York state.  I think it looks like my mom is younger than the little girl.

So, only be jealous if it's something I could have.

Some things really are just stupid.

Shouldn't it be like "oh no" an older lady I like is "gone viral?"  Immediately?  It is a real issue, I mean, not that I'm "worried."

People act like they have something over me.  I'm watching TV, and they "had a moment" when someone looked cool and thought they went deep.

Why can people do this?

It seems like they are just messed up with no hope.

Like, take an issue, like I don't like being bossed around nor feeling awkward.

What if people control the world through me?

A Fun Night

I did that thing on violin where you move the bow back and forth really fast and almost had a pinching heart attack in the middle of orchestra practice.  It may have lasted a minute.

I will be in this orchestra if FAFSA doesn't pay for my school, for music.

I went there I think a year and a half ago.  I feel a bit more tired but better as a violinist.  I guess things are evening out.  I didn't have it in my last time to sit in and watch, taking the bus and getting a ride back from my dad.  I'm worried now I feel less tolerant to rehearsal, whereas before I wasn't as good at violin but could take it better.  That's what I was wondering about going, too, as part of it.  Someone I met bets I will be able to sight read that stuff if I do this this time, like everyone else sight reads it better.  I am only 3 years and intermediate.  It was beneficial to me, better than sitting alone practicing because I need extra "help."  I keep hitting other strings, but this way I didn't notice me doing that, like at lessons.  I might not do the lessons because I want to go my own way, at least for now.  I feel I didn't learn right or it wasn't towards a certain goal, and that can ruin my incentive, I know for sure.

All the bad people from Generation X flood, use, and destroy the good people from Late Boom.

Americans will just rise together and be jealous of anyone who has culture outside of the US.

How will I figure anything out if I'm monitored by the thought police?

I'm going to deal with these things, anyway, later.

Why can't we talk about what's interesting and go on with life?  There's some merit in that.

Fess Up - Now or Never

I'm not holding out for a bunch of people who have nothing to offer, no matter what race or generation they are.

I feel like people are controlling my freedom of speech.

bleh

...but like she needs them

People made it so an older lady I like doesn't need me.

I feel kinda bad just staying home.  Well, I still eat food.  I wonder how other kids get by doing all this work.  Maybe, they are still young.  Part of me wants to go back for something to do, like work.  Who knows...  I guess I might go back.  I don't have much to keep me going.

I don't think I can go back to school.  I'm tired of the sudden semester of summer school.  I took speech and remedial math, which was for 4 credit hours.  I feel like it's the last chug, 1 more day of 2 exams and a speech to give.  There are 3 weeks until the next school semester.  I don't know if I could just go for music or if I should try to teach myself, for now, violin as my newer instrument.  I don't even want a teacher, otherwise, because they don't seem to care about what's important to me, like I can only take it as a joke.

No one cares about me; they're all celebrating.

cont.

Even my dad displays it.

People think if I do something big, it's the grotesque exaggerations of having a dad born as early as 1950.

If it's about luck, there must be truth, elsewhere.

Does it matter if someone is better than me?

Life isn't always supposed to be that exciting, not like that.

Why won't people "leave my 'relationship' alone?"

I wish I would remember the importance of family life.  I should read things like that somewhere when I wake up in the morning, like a morning prayer.

Feeling Better Physically

I feel better after a shower/bath.  OK, I shaved and did my nails.  I trim my fingernails every day and toenails 1-2 times a week.  I am starting to clean out my ears more often.  I also will try mouthwash in the mornings and evenings.  I try to shower twice a day but have hard nights where I wake up to use the bathroom and sometimes eat a little.

🛁 🚿

I also went back and jogged today.

...Exams coming up! and a speech.  2 exams and a speech in one day.

This isn't "the action" for me.

People in America as themselves, not to compare to other countries, like to make me feel bad without stopping if they catch me doing one thing to defend myself.

Wow, you must think the lot of you are people's people.

People find pleasure in babying someone I "look up to."

I don't lean on people.

I wonder why some people think I needed them.

They won't stop fighting me.

I feel judged by people I don't want close to me.

Yuk!  Older people are playing around with their age and going off ruining it for me with someone.

Someone thinks the answer is always supposed to be sacrificial on your part, but what does that say about them?

They don't even like me!  They went crazy.

My parents and people are participating in my private life, but it doesn't always feel good.

They want an older lady I like to "feel good" in a bad way like she's stimulated as the only one in the world set apart and everyone knows and is paying attention.

How Sickening!

People think Late Boomers should be treated like children.

So, some people realize that positive things are always called for, that the idea things are mean and bad being okay is not so everywhere.  Therefore, you should always do what is least violent.

People wait until I feel upset and then feel they are okay.

Since there are blondes out there looking for sex with older ladies, if I say hi it's an insult right away.

The poster image for Late Boomers is people who have a dad born after 1950 even if their mom is older than mine.

People think pretending I need to be ashamed makes them mature.

That looks really bad.  Who cares about you?

Some people think I'm the bad guy in all of this, now.

People fight me to make seem bad defending myself, like it's my fault, we could have gotten along.

cont.

So, they keep exploiting her.

People think I don't deserve my "relationship" with an older lady.

People are just bothering my private life.

Update

New Forum

Generation X does not know what they are doing and act like they are really getting mad at me when they discipline their own kids.

Riling Us Up

Usually, older people, like in their late 40s and 50s, act like we should be calm and wait for life, but now people even older are copying younger people, and it's not appropriate for some of them if they do because they all seem to do it.  Why should I worry about anything?

People say I get something but go all coocoo that it's bad often.

A Simple Solution

Do nothing when Orlandoinians are around.

I get to watch people on TV in movies and such if I want battle out life like they were me and they don't give a care about Pirates.

Some things look impossible, with some people, though I am very thankful for other things.

My life, overall in ways, has been "shit."  It's not some people's fault.

^You don't have to have anything.^  ^Nothing else matters.^  These people are going over like they are okay.

I see someone acting goofy who "found out," through the air, about an older lady I like.  I saw a commercial where he tried to look and be like her, in a way that did not fit well.  Just ask anyone off the streets.  Are you "dumb" to answer if you'd want that to happen to you? have some little nursery to recite back at me, instead? crazy, little "brats!"

What if the older lady I like cannot demand it to start but I don't like it and it happens a lot and it could get me in trouble with her in some way now?

They see me how they fantasize.

They make other people look good and me look bad.

People keep telling me I'm shit, like I was before too.

We aren't sisters.

I realize some people are set for failure, but why me?

Giving up on Life

I think, when I punched a hole in my wall by accident and moreso when I hit my table, I damaged my arms and it's taking a long time to learn violin well now.

I think I might stop violin lessons so I can practice my way.  I'm worried about incentive and feeling uncomfortable with the people monitoring me in private, these days.

The best people are with me is coming out and acting mean, as opposed to pretending like they are nice to me, which they do, too.

I've lost interest in the world.  I don't know why I was into it if this is what's behind it.  They just blame other people or things or say it is too bad and an accident.

I wonder why classical musicians seem so seclusive and pop up over you.  I am sad I wasn't lucky and my school didn't have an orchestra and I didn't know what instrument to play then.  Now, I'm 32 years old.  I almost did it.

It seems like the Spanish people are a member of every race and took over the wonder of racial minorities.  Think of the musical South Pacific, which I saw once and used to see ads for.  Funny, I woke up to see it and was allowed.  I also read Uncle Tom's Cabin in one day and got the only A in the gifted/AP class at age 15.

Do you ever get made fun of for wanting to be a good person?

Update

I replaced my forum and made a new one: Internet Networking.

They do things they know are wrong.

Wait Until It's Too Late

People push for that logic.

Existing Problem

I get startled when surprised and sometimes get upset and a little mean in how I act.

Why is everything so stupid?

Upset

I don't have a college degree and therefore wanted job at age 32.  I still have 4 semesters left.  It's been hard.  I think I have an A in math, but it was certainly the result of some diligent efforts and work.  Speech has been an easy B.  So far only 1 semester lately, this summer, these 2 courses, math and speech.  I just have to keep going.  Here's the plan:

Fall 2018
-Violin
-Music Ensemble
-Music Theory
-Math
-English II

Spring 2019
-Violin
-Music Ensemble
-Music Theory
-Math
-Science

Summer 2019
-Science
-General Studies Requirement

Fall 2019
-General Studies Classes

I will have an AA in Violin Performance, in 1 1/2 years

I also want to take German, but I have to go to another community college for that.

So, what?  Yea, I should be happy.  Maybe, school can be frustrating to my life if done late.

What if I didn't have long nails starting out?

Not all pianists have short nails, at least if they just play for fun.

I feel like my parents wish I would leave, but I feel threatened about how I will be treated then.

I even ended up pulling out from college because of what a professor I thought I was good said and what other professors said after that, somehow.

All I can say is, though built well, I was probably frail but not lanky.

It's like I let it out and that was all I had.  I felt some pressure from my friends to be shorter, but I even moved away then.

My classmates were considered short, and I was short to them.

Actually, just the year prior, my growth was in the tall range.

I think I may have stopped growing at the beginning of 7th grade.  I grew again when I was 20-present; I started catching up on rest and was out of school for a long time.

Why did I stop growing at age 12?

Well, I'm on my female cycle.

I slept this evening and guess I'll go to bed.  Finals and a speech one day next week.

I'm mad but don't want to get angry at anyone.

I was attacked.  I can be happy.  I have problems, though.  I am pushed to the limit and not forgiven.  I am trapped with certain people.  I was blamed just because it was awkward.

What should I do?  Have inappropriate thoughts? like it's not what other people want of me? because I don't care about those mean people.  I have a lotta haters out there in the underground.

I'm bored.  My life isn't interesting, anymore.

Why do some people get to treat me like shit?

I had long nails.

I'm not binding with my family like we're the same.  Some people are messed up.

Is that lady okay?

cheap

I don't do trash.

"Held at bay."

I can run, but I can't hide.

So, my music was used against me.  I was afraid of that.

I guess not.

What, do you need my life?

1 thing no one can do is blame me for something because I did what I did and said what I said..

...but no... I already said I was trash.

Edit

I fixed the starting point of the Big Hero 6 YouTube video.

So, does this lady have fun?

Big Hero 6 is genius!

Why am I just trash?  I didn't want to be.  That's not fair.

I can be a violinist according to America, too bad for the Germans.  I want to move to Germany and learn/watch/play violin.  I wish I learned the orchestra, but I'm so distracted and poor.

...and I might be off to eat!

I want to do the right thing and not base it on me being the butt of it.

What if sometime you did something to someone that they did to someone?

You can always take back what you say, even if it's a bit amazing.  (That's people's rights.)

Am I just going in a circle with some people?  I'm afraid there's some legitimate abuse, here.

Message Board

Re: I could make a really good topic, but I...

by 

Christina

 » 7 minutes ago(July 26, 2018 09:58 PM)

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 | Reply | 

"The grass is always greener on the other side."

I know people can't be shown the wrong thing in the wrong way because they react immediately. You can't always control life, no matter how hard you try, and some things don't always work.

People usually refrain from showing bad people something they want to mess with. Like, being careful when and where you walk in what places..

---

from SE & NE Florida, Slidell/New Orleans (Louisiana,) & Orlando/"Central Florida"
BlogSpot

I am cooler than most people and careful about my race.

Why did Amber Heard get to be "used," in different justified ways, by Johnny Depp?

It all starts with one post.

Twitter

Fine! No one ever talks to me! Don't come up to me and say, "Well, now I'm better than you because you said that."

— Christina (@Christina86FLNO) July 26, 2018

I'm just not lucky, and people keep thinking I'm nothing, I can't do anything.

I feel like I'm not depending on the people monitoring me in private.  Why does it feel like I have a worse life than other people, meaning what they get in relation to what they do?

Twitter

Who the hell says go on Twitter or Facebook? Nothing is there!

— Christina (@Christina86FLNO) July 26, 2018

...and now I don't have a life.  All other people do is make sure I can't meet anyone.

Twitter

Do you like Johnny Depp? He was a good person, but he likes to be rebellious and conforming. He wouldn't like me that much.

— Christina (@Christina86FLNO) July 26, 2018

People pretend you have to do all sorts of things to be treated right.

They keep teasing me about how I don't see any people I like, so I guess no one's out there or something's wrong.

People involved monitoring me in private don't seem to care about me and people I depend on emotionally in some way in the middle of it.

Sometimes, I'm afraid to say normal things.

The internet is amazing, but people hide behind it and don't even use it to talk to you.

I stopped following some people online, but I feel aspects of my life have gone there.

I think they are really wasting time and lying.

Can we settle something, like not ruining the world because someone wants to punish me for feeling sad or upset about my life being totaled in some new way each time and etc. etc.?  I can put up with so many things and not be blamed for silly reasons that others can't accept anything about themselves.  It's not something to get uptight and lose it over.  You know what, that sounds boring and I bet some people give me problems on purpose and I just have to continue living this way, though this idea does recur.

People think they know me now and now I can't live my life.  I can in some ways, but it's certainly a topic of thought.

Update

I edited my Twitter profile and color.

I'm good at making topics but not being popular.

I could make a really good topic, but I...

by 

Christina

 » a minute ago(July 26, 2018 09:18 PM)

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…would not get a lot of responses because I made it, even if it's something the whole board may get into. I might, though. I mean it could be really important. I don't think anyone else would post the actual topic, though..

---

from SE & NE Florida, Slidell/New Orleans (Louisiana,) & Orlando/"Central Florida"
BlogSpot

I'm not at people but thought I might be concerned how people single me out and are against me.

Why am I supposed to think some people like me?

I like making fun of people, but I'll try to get something going being respectful, maybe, for now.  They just keep popping up saying ridiculous things if I feel content and am about to go onto something.

I don't have to listen to them, and I can say whatever the hell I want.  I'm not bad; everyone doesn't hate me.

They're watching me do it.

The people monitoring me in private keep tearing me back down because of my someone wanting them to, like that's not the reason why.

Because I am being monitored in private, they can ruin my life if they want, like monitor my decisions and thoughts and act like they know everything.  I'm always still in trouble for the same things years ago.  I wasn't really that bad, according to what I knew.

People think I haven't gotten up and picked up the pieces, but they are the ones in trouble.

People take from me socially and say it doesn't matter because it's not something they have.  They want to act like I am like them, now, like too bad too sad.  I may have been inappropriate, but I wasn't mean to anyone.  People tried to avoid me saying that.

People are stupid and don't believe you are affected by your social environment.  It can affect how you look, what you want to spend your time doing, and who you come off as.  It's important to figure out life.  It could "'make' or break" you.

People judge me by my family and friends.

I somehow gave people an impression of me as a changed person.

Update

left side of blog:

Profession:
•musician - as of 23 years ago
•violin student - 3 years
•my singing - as of 27 years ago
•church/school choir - age 8-18

Some things are rearranged.

Everyone agrees that Central Florida is gay; it is left behind.

Edit

I edited the list of past jobs in last post.

Update

left side of blog:

Past Jobs:
•age 14-16 - 3 pit orchestras
•age 15 - school uniforms
•age 16 - accompanist
•age 17 - church musician 3 masses

People are mixing up my past experiences to say I didn't make it to the ideal in hardship growing up and learning about "the world."

Pretty much people who sacrifice what's right make it in the end and look foolish though.

People pretend when I seemed cool that now I'm not because people I trust act like it's about some things younger people do which when they did was perverted.

Maybe, she likes it, though, but you know people are kinda annoying and this doesn't seem to be a contribution to the world agenda.

Why is an older lady I like treated suggestively regarding the world always thinking about her, like she "did it" and beat every social record?  I am sorta famous like that for weird reasons though, and I don't have those issues.

I wonder how she feels about these things.  The older ladies "have" to "do it" and have her facial features etc.  Today's mothers might teach their kids about her, in any household.  Many people in Orlando perpetuate the thought of her constantly.  The world knows and cares..  I've seen a little girl act like she had to act tough and say the church I was at could control how she feels touched from her underpants.  Something people do that they hope makes it okay that might be partially a good thing is have prestigious people from far reaches of the globe contain her essence.

My A in math and B in speech is practically a guarantee.

Church Music

So, what do we know?

Everyone does not want to be the same.

Music for the Piano

Kid Songs

This is a song I liked as a kid:



I like this one, too:

I'm not smart enough to hang out with Spanish people.

Some people won't let me talk to people who are nice to me so much.

Mixed race people seem to know more about race than people of one race.

Some people think it's more important to bother you and act like they are punishing you than it is to let you relax and sort out your private life and life in general.

Update

I added that I went to school in the Berea area of Cleveland.

School:
•New Orleans
- 2002, 2004-2006
•DC - 2005
•Cleveland / Berea - 2005
•Orlando
- 2006, 2007, 2013, 2018

cont.

It's not about if you're nose is prominent but if you have a certain, unattractive look.

Southern Europeans

Southern Europeans think that being long and thin with a big nose is all that's desirable and if you have Asian blood you automatically are not on their list of things to live with.

Southern Europeans seem rather caveman-ish and lost about their more ancient ancestral roots, like all they wanna do is have fun now.

They aren't racist to the Mid/Northern European race, but some of them are really mean to people with Asian blood sometimes.  Who else has to worry about them?  Blacks think people with Asian blood are the only race below them, which is a surprise to some that their dark skin doesn't but them at the bottom, among other things.  "Go figure."

Update

side of my blog description

School:
•New Orleans - 2002, 2004-2006
•DC - 2005
•Cleveland - 2005
•Orlando - 2006, 2007, 2013, 2018

Did you know I'm not considered blonde, but my dark features aren't fun with others?

Have you seen people, who are all white, glow with the traits from their dad, while you're left as stale and worthless? whether or not they should.  Like, first you see nastiness, and then you see elegance?  Are men despised or is this another 1950 dad effect?  Why do only we have to be concerned about generations with earlier dads?

I want kids to have fun, but maybe it doesn't matter coming from me.

People act like the older lady I like is queer and needs to be treated like a baby.

It's funny when perfectly nice people who treat others with respect spends their life hating on you.

I don't care about funny moments, actually, as a person.  Thanks for the reminder.

People want to weaken me to prove I am nothing, even with my "relationship" with an older lady I like.

People from Germany think it's about the family, even if yours is annoying and you're a good person.  They won't admit it.

People want to take back my life that way.

Why would someone think I hate on them as their personality because they think they got it out of me and I was only upset they are constantly mean to me, and they lie like I just am mean to them.

I don't know some things, but I'm to accept them now, about people.

No one believes I deserve anything because they "actually did" what they believed in and I usually end up probing around and not doing the wrong things.  They want to say it's unfair.

People used to be open to me, and I was fine.  Now, it's like 2nd nature to think I'm not okay to be with anyone socially.

I'm only defensive.  Who'd pursue someone who's sorry?

"L" for Loser

Did you know people like to eliminate mildly cool people to make it so they think one person is cooler than all and it's cool because there's no competition?

I know there are people out there who messed up my "relationship" and life in general already because they are so messed up.

I respect whatever is seeing me in private, but sometimes I just wonder but know I can't escape and get what I wanted in life exactly now.  It's too bad, but supposedly they aren't bad.

If they say she "said it," I still have to say what I say, that I won't succumb to the exploitation or something.  I respect her rights, though, if she really said it.

They keep making up things to make fun of, like I have a bigger problem than most people.

The older lady I like was fine with me, but people keep saying otherwise, to feel good like they are protecting someone in something important because they and their lives are messed up.

cont.

They've ruined a relationship some!

People think I am just flirting,

The people monitoring me in private think it's okay they can control my life.

The people monitoring me in private have a weakness and succumb to the antics of my dad's mom and older younger sister.

Why does everyone always think of an older lady I have a "relationship" with?  She's their "saving grace."  Sometimes, you have to let it go, but then it sinks in in my thoughts when I'm alone.  Then, it's all about her feeling like she's not the strong person she was, according to some sources.

I know she can say she doesn't like it, but it still happens.  I have nothing against her or if she likes it.

I'm upset because I claimed I can't tell her what to want ... people think this is okay.  They're just "out to get me."

The people monitoring me in private maybe don't know who did it and think it's unavoidable.  They keep putting me down, like it's their job.

If you had a relationship you liked with an older person, would you just not care about anything?

Stream of Thought - Negativity in Specifics - My Life

This doesn't look too interesting coming from me.


Too bad about racism.  Why linger on racism?  That's like being a "thought police."

For some people, life is all about watching people mess up and pay for it, while they are supported.

Is being famous a sacrifice like work? because it's not as fun as you might have hoped?  Perhaps, you wish you were a performing and creative artist.

People think life is solved if you can act.  That's so overrated now, though.

Generation Z needs to have a good life.  Hey, I mean it's just another generation as is everyone and has its own special qualities, which they are important to their parental generation of Late Boomers.

Actors are only human, and all humans need to be appreciated.  Why do famous people seem lonely?  It's just a game to see people mess up and make them feel like they don't need to have a good quality social life, whatever it is.

People like to remind me if I did something wrong and in sneaky ways, over and over, though, before, people said I was cool with things.  It was such a big deal to some people to say I am good, so many people thought this.

I think people have hurt me more than others have hurt them, emotionally or socially etc.  I have funny rules about what I'm allowed to think.  I disagree if it's someone thinking I'm them.  The damnation of Central Florida!

There seem to be a lot of things to talk about, but not many things seem to happen.

Am I supposed to have said anything?

Funny Musings

Lots of people are bad and don't admit it.

Most good people don't care about me or my problems.

Everyone notices different things.

Are you tired of the older lady I like?  I'm a bit tired of something but it's not that.

WWJD

Always, look on the bright side of life!

Hm...

Too Much Schoolwork - Shutting Down

Boy, college!

I felt like the schoolwork became too much.  I don't remember the math at the end as easily.

People don't feel like they need to be stimulated because they have more hate for me to create a model that would make them want to be stimulated or else they get stimulated by other means.

As for the model, I don't know ... it seems she has to say it's bad but still can experience good things.

What is wrong with my environment?  What are other people smoking?

efficiency....

So, why do people make a big deal of getting attention?  I know I didn't get much growing up or anything.

To "give attention," or not give attention, that is the question.

"It happens."

Wow, it's amazing to see how much fun one person can have!  It's funny how there's only one person that exists.  I didn't want to enforce that on my life; I like people and animals and nature too much, more than studying the aliens!

Ha ha, anyone can say what they want, but I'm a good person.

True, people are judged for if they are a Late Boomer, but people who do music and not have light hair usually don't "make it" like people with lighter hair ... and people sometimes shun musicians; they are jealous or think they are not good enough.

I don't know why I quit music; maybe because I was treated racistly.

Am I being chased from my dreams?

People keep presenting me with inappropriate questions.

Things are cool...

People think good ole (old) values are to be of superstition.

Some of those reasons are no good.

Why do others get away with things that I don't that aren't bad?

a series of partially bad moves to make someone horny and put others in a wild goose chase

People want to prevent me from happiness in a "relationship" with an older lady.

I even get in trouble for being attractive, now.

Edit

Music Theory III was 3 credits.

Since when was anyone outwardly aware that music was better than being a star?

People think being bullied and messed up is the only thing that can make you worth being a person.

School

I think I am just gonna try to get an Associate's degree in music for now, work towards that.  I don't think I can afford to pay for German at any college, but maybe.  So, I made my schedule:

-Violin - 1 credit
-Music Theory - 3 credits
-Music Ensemble - 1 credit
-College Algebra - 3 credits
-English II / Honors? - 3 credits
_________
Total: 11 credits

I may need to make another appeal, but otherwise it is all paid for by FAFSA financial aid.  If I can keep this up, I will graduate next school year, maybe Fall 2019.  I'll have an Associate's degree in music.

I could follow up and go to Rollins or UCF.  I think I want to go to UCF, which has a BM.  The only problem is I wanted to learn German, and they took most of the classes away.  I can still take level 1 and 2 or do that much at a community college.  Rollins has the minor, but I kinda don't want to be there.  I did go to community school private music lessons there for 2 years.

If I can't go to school, I might work, for that semester, if I get on financial probation for a W I accidentally got and the appeal unaccepted.

I'm having a hard time finishing up in math and speech, but I hope it goes okay.  My GPA in those classes are an A in math and B in speech, I think.  I know math, it's a 96%.

I was gonna not do General Studies, but I guess I will graduate after all and soon.

People are getting away with saying I am bad.

Did you know I was put down for making my eyes look more intelligent to fit in better?

They keep suggesting it's all about ruining an older lady I like and getting personal with me telling me not to feel.

I found something in the media that said I wasn't my own person and had to associate with others in ways I probably wouldn't agree with.

Everyone is coming to self-realization and ruins it for me too tho.

People are messing with my "relationship" I have with an older lady I like.

Why do people have a problem with me?  Forget people saying to be mean to me.

What do you think of sexually mature children?

People have different situations and ruin it for others by being troublemakers and people care about them instead of you also being happy.

Isn't it gay to get too much attention from just your parents?

In the movie "Inside Out," they had a character try to make another mad to fix something, and the last straw was her selfishly bursting out, "Duh!"  What a halt to progress.  I've seen people in Central Florida mime this out for someone.  They mime disgustingly.

I don't want to do little projects like other families to play with me being stimulated in ways I dislike, like it's a balancing act.

I added a jazz dance class and a modern dance class to my schedule.  Each is 2 hours 15 minutes and 2 credit hours each, not sure if I can afford it nor pay with FAFSA nor qualify for other aid.  I may have to just take the jazz, if my mom says because of money.  I used to be a ballet minor for 4 semesters.  I tried to continue good ballet classes here, when I moved and came home from college.

Anyway, I see I am enrolled in Music Theory III!  Exciting!

I'm waiting for another college to contact me back where I want to take German, maybe once a week or online if I do the dance.

😆

I hear Central Florida again drooling like they are all innocent and ready to fight about it.

Someone keeps showing off acting like they did it, they can stimulate me through the air without touching my private, they're God.

They want to believe that I was trash in certain ways and involve other people in certain ways.

I'm watching Inside Out and noticed no one cares about me and people ruin my life.  They may have a creed that only Late Boomers who have more to give deserve to feel good and go and exploit and badly, inappropriately stimulate them.  "Oh be kind to your fine feathered friend, for he may be somebody's mother."

"It matches."

Since Hillary didn't win the US Presidency, the older lady I have a "relationship" with had to be made to seem to "emit" hurtful messages to me to quell pressure, but it also "matches" that can be used as the next punishment.

Update

My Other Blogs

Backup Blog

People are so pathetic.  When they are mad, it's saying I'm not really all that and should "listen to my father" and think that I'm worthless.

People don't want me to talk about some things but socialize about it, themselves.

What do good people think they could do for her?

So, they just helped ruin my "relationship" with an older lady.

Life is all about if you succeeded for your age.  People are prejudiced like that.  I feel pulled away from success.

I thought they were despised.

They want the older lady I like to feel odd, different from others..

Good people only get away with it if they aren't too nice to me, how unexpected.

You can't waste time putting down an older lady I like to annoy me because it's your fault.

Some people are ready, they act different, and to accept the new ways, like that they are connected to their parents or family.. rather than what they seemed like as a person, themselves.  To conduce an unfair judgment.  They know in some situations they will get something and I won't get a turn.  It's like all my successes go to people I've known, at least to a degree.  Like, I meet someone, and something is like we didn't meet normally but over my thus content family.

The people monitoring me in private are outlandish, bullying me like it's capisce and something to accept to look good and that is inevitable in good people over time.

I wonder why my life is like crime fighting, while I'm in school.

They keep abusing me.. for little things that aren't even bad.

It's admittedly irritating some people who can't stop obsessing over the older lady I like like she's to be exploited because Johnny Depp was a famous movie star.  How is it a good thing?  It's bothersome.  I don't know if there is a good  way to do this.  It's funny there are other famous people.

I already have problems of my own, and this just doesn't justify it.  I guess I could still have a relationship despite all this.  I do worry about it being too much.

I noticed the older lady I like looks like she took a lot, whereas she was supposed to be a strong citizen, and the people monitoring me in private are being immature and said, "Want it?  Fight."  They even seemed immature when they said it.

The world is so worthless, in some ways.  Anyone will pop up and be racist.

..Central Florida... just has to know.

Some evil people do things to the older lady I like.

Some of those damn Central Floridians think they can handle my life.

The people monitoring me in private keep using stupidity on me because they are racist and don't care what happens to me because I had to stimulate myself.

They are ruining my life because someone has an issue on if I ever have to stimulate myself.

The people monitoring me in private keep messing around.

If I have hard times, it's an opportunity for someone else.

I've been tired and pressured and collectively feeling overworked more than I'm used to.  I haven't been in school for a long time, but it's something I've done and thought I could still do if I had to.  I don't want general studies next semester, just music and German.

Orlando / Central Florida thinks it's their moment of truth.  They've been trashing me and think it's time for them to get attention to how they are really good and could have been.

The funny thing is it used to not be like this.  It's like no one has to care about me and I don't have to get anything.

Is someone ruining my life, besides, with weird rules?  Threatening to hurt me if people are nice to me, and the police can't make it better? because I might lost what I have.

No one's supposed to be famous like that.  It's getting in the way of me having a "relationship" with her.

They think I am worthless.

Some people know about an older lady I like but are mean about it.

See, what's going on is just a mess.  A mess from a mess.

What am I supposed to do if they ruin it for me if once in awhile it's like I need to stimulate myself?

People are already on patrol about me just feeling anything good.

I said it was okay if an older lady I like gets to feel in some way she likes, even when it's unwanted and bad to her dismay, which is probably not a good part.  Besides, it seems like they are doing something for her that could have been done in some other way.

It seems like the people monitoring me in private are just having a time putting on a display to get attention.

They pop up and be serious if I feel upset or something and ruin it for me.

They make the page load in strange kinds of syncs, like water ballet, repetitively.

Don't you go thinking you or anyone has anything on me like I have a bad mouth like you, who are always sarcastic.

No one wants you.  No one is gonna listen to you.

People keep ruining it for me if I have to stimulate myself.

I need a Problems blog for times like this so I don't have too many posts and have to fill out codes when I post.

They think they are involved.  They can't get it.

I can just sit here a bit some times and say how damned some of you people are.

This didn't happen, before.

Some people are complaining about me getting attention from an older lady I like.

They are immature.  Nothing they do matters.

It's pathetic when some people think I want to talk to them in certain ways about certain things, like they think I need to be taught a lesson.

This isn't important.

I don't want this shit on my regular blog.

They are preventing me from having a good life.

They won't stop.

They said I wasn't all that.

They might be taking advantage of me, like I am bad, and threaten me if I post on a special problems blog in detail.

cont.

They keep being picky if I disagree with them now and said the prolonged "it."

I'm getting treated like this is my life.

I hope things didn't get worse overall.

I spite those people.  "Oh, lah dee dah, this thing is all about me 'feeling good.'"  It's not just that anything slipped.  I probably don't like them especially, anyway.

You know, I have schoolwork to do, and this seems like a diversion when I'm tired of it.  I only have finals left, it seems, some homework, too.

It seems thing were carefully taken care of, but, if they dislike how I act, they can make it worse.

Some people seem worthless to talk to and they think they get the silver lining for how they are.

The people involved monitoring me in private seem to be letting this happen, an older lady I like being badly and inappropriately stimulated.

The people monitoring me in private and others involved think they can just do whatever they want with me.  It's bad news of what's on their mind, like making an announcement, of how to ruin my life, for picky reasons, "just in case."

Maybe, more rest/sleep will help.

I sorta phased out doing my math homework.  2 days left.  I don't want to take more general studies, now.  I also have to get to my speech and start memorizing using flash cards.

Clothes Shopping Ideas

Sears

It seems like people want to know if certain races feel certain things as well as other races.

Some people think if I talk about this stuff that I won't get what I was gonna get.  That just proves they don't care about my future but want to control it.

It seems like something is wrong with the older lady I like, partially according to evidence from different people, but it seems like they are perpetuating it.

An older lady I like is nice to me, but people keep acting like they are flirting with her to be more important than me.

America is not a safe place to live, and there are other races serving as racists in other European countries, too.

cont.

But don't flail about and ruin it for all Asians.

I wonder why some Southern Europeans aren't as natural as others.  Who cares if it's not Greece but Italy?  I think they did something wrong in noticing fairer races, like they are fairy princesses.  What I get racially is that other people have certain things in place authentically and they just do something more unique.  I don't really want to be them.  Being multiracial must have some benefits.  Well, if you think about Europeans as kids, maybe.

Many people started following or used to follow the notion that Late Boomers are the only people who are worth it, now primarily when it comes to me.

People have a fit if I notice their mistakes and bring me as an enemy in the big picture, though, if I died, they will not have anything to gain, in this way.

Movie on TV

"Inside Out"

(image credit)

They are acting like I'm really wanting to complain to or about the older lady I like.

but who cares about you?

but, no, I can't say no

So, I'm not the one who made a big deal out of this.

I wouldn't say the world is made for this.

I can't trust the people watching me in private.  They are in on being against me.

People think there has to be one exploited, famous person and to make it an older lady I like so I can't have as good a relationship with her now.

I need to lie down.

Looks like everyone gets away with it!!!

I was in the middle of something, and, like I said, someone was super annoying and always acts like I'm bad, it seems.

I feel like something's killing me.  Make sure you remember Central Florida / Orlando.

Supposedly, this has reached the older lady I like.

They just "have" to think that I'm arguing.

Bad, Lazy White People

The people monitoring me in private said I was the one with the problem.

Someone just invalidated everything I said and set me off.

Why would anyone want me to suffer?   Do some actions come in packages?

I thought supposedly things were already okay.

Why can't I just not take you seriously?

Why is everyone looking to make sure I suffer? and like I'm gonna submit?

Did you know an older lady I like worries and supposedly gets badly and inappropriately stimulated at any suggestion, but for me I guess I have to look out for bad, serious operations at any little hint?

At least, it's interesting to know something about.

I don't think anyone needs you.

I don't know, but it looks exactly like this.

You did do something wrong because it was wrong to think to punish me for no reason.

People want to think I did something wrong.

People are lying about what I posted here because they feel guilty.

I didn't invite anyone into doing these problems to my life.  They are crazy like metal detectors.

People think I'm not perfect and keep coming in and finding ways to say, while the older lady I like deserves to be badly and inappropriately stimulated, I should be guarded from feeling anything or I'm worthless.

I am worried that the people monitoring me in private act like I'm bad and have a problem just because they want to make sure.  Like, I'm well-intended and alone, but one thing amiss maybe to them and they pop up.

Update

I added a Me Online page to My Stuff.

I added a new Instagram post.

They think I am some selfish object that wants pleasure.

More wasting of my time making up reasons an older lady I like should be more and more badly and inappropriately stimulated.

Lonely

I lost my relationships.

I'm kinda hoping to find happiness in school, but I don't want life to pass me by.

Clothes Shopping

I'm thinking of going locally.  I looked online, and it seems more fun to go in person.  I couldn't find much online.

I guess.... I got up to eat.

Also, I didn't have "hard feelings" on anyone.  I was careful what I posted.  I guess it's over.

A Bit Tired

Maybe, I should rest...  I have math homework and later a speech.

All the things that supposedly mattered ... don't matter.

Someone didn't keep their nails nice and got mad and ruined mine much later.

The older lady indicated it was okay I had a relationship with her and her not be exploited.

It's all over.

...signs of badly and inappropriately suggesting knowing about an older lady I have a "relationship" with.

They are being selfish singling her out like she's "special" in selfish ways and overriding my relationship with her.  They picture her like a toddler.

People keep making up problems about an older lady I like.  They think they are the one in control.

People think if I thought of something when I posted, like them, like they have something on me.  They think I can't defend myself and must submit.

People are trying to make an older lady I like not like me.

I feel like my life was stolen from me.

If you don't do dance...

...which seems like it can be a lot of work for some people, then what do you do?

People think there is something wrong with me having a relationship with the older lady I like without this stuff in the way.

How often do you go to Disney World?

and what other activities do you engage in?

I get to feel guilty about "home sweet home" like I'm enjoying a relationship or I'm not working on my own.

again

She was "under the radar" from things like this, but people can change that for her.

"Enough Is Enough"

When you make friends, you don't always have expiration date set from the start.

I don't really try to force anyone to talk to me, but I talk about it.

I know people did it to my relationship.  They poked into my business and were like, "Oh... Christina's relationship doesn't have an expiration date, now."  Then, they ruined my relationship by badly and inappropriately arousing her by having the whole world thinking about her all the time indefinitely.

So, I'm hearing from different sources things that pertain to this.  I don't know what to say, but I'm just being upfront/honest that if someone says something I can't just not talk about it because they said it...  I guess any source is credible, too...

What people did was notice what they let themselves notice and acted coy that the lady, who is older than me, who has a relationship with me ... that she should just be badly and inappropriately stimulated all the time instead of me having a relationship, like it doesn't matter anyway.  They are mean to me a lot, prior and otherwise, some of them.

So, they want to take her away from me forever and they suggested she intended to have a relationship with me, "forever," and therefore they made it so that because she was dedicated to me that she doesn't have to do it, though they fell over at the thought that she's not really gonna do it then and still are messed up about what they did.

Clothes Shopping Dreams for August

Wal-Mart - $100.02

F.Y.I., I even don't drink alcohol because I want to not lose any more brain cells, but maybe I already lost too many, more than some other people.

My schools gave stupid busywork and let the bad people socialize instead of us making use of the school time, in different ways in different schools or classes.  Everyone was just okay with this like nothing happened.  I fell behind when I was called to the counselor during classes, too, in high school, just for seeming lonely to one of my teachers.

So, why did people affect this?  I'm unwanted like Hillary Clinton.  This is really none of their business.  They are eliminating by luck.  Why can't anyone co-exist?  Is this about intentions or fate?  Like, I'm worried because in gymnastics I fell on the ground from standing by the foam pit, when I was 8 years old, though nothing happened that I knew of because I was so skinny from starting gymnastics at age 1 3/4 etc.  Do I deserve to suffer because I'm not just "used" but emotionally tortured to some degree or something.  Also, I ended up staying up late doing homework as of age 11.

If someone older I like is already famous but "ready" to be really famous by knowing me ... it sounds like the plan for them is sad.

This lady has had a "relationship" with me but became exploited to where it was like some of it became blocked in a denied way.  She didn't want it, but other people can just make it happen.


I just found it interesting and don't find and mean offense, to her.  If she is happier with what's more rightfully hers is fine.

cont.

The funny thing is I'm very well-behaved, and they aren't.

Everyone thought they had to be mean to me to be safe, like I'm in trouble with my dad.

Why are people making more problems?

It's awkward to say this, but an older lady was interested in me and my fame and how hard life was for me, and people said they "had" to make this lady have more problems being famous so I can't "get" that.

People don't like to interact with me so they can say I'm not all that.

They have a lot to offer themselves, and it is right to be nice to people; otherwise, is not in good fashion.

Why are we told to exult Late Boomers?  What do they do?  We get a little sometimes unpleasant buzz, maybe in general, at least.  Why are times so bad?

Ay Ay Ay

I just have to clean my office space!

Math homework and test.  So far, I haven't wasted it.

I think some people have to sit and watch someone who performs not because we need to learn from that person but because that person is having a moment but for a long time, not trying to say it in some bad way.  It's also not basically who you'd think it is.  So, we have to stifle our own voice and ability to function, one way or another.  I was prevented from having a good time and "relationship" with someone else because of this person, partially, in the end, I think, because that person was against it, and they are both older.

cont.

I didn't get what I wanted, in a way, and some people are still fighting it off, not sure who but maybe people I know.

People think instead of me having a relationship with someone that they can be like a part of family or a party, to ruin it.

I do agree that if someone is attractive, they can be famous ... but I didn't see the steps happen appropriately anyway.  They didn't say they wanted to but know people can do it for them.

Patrolling

Why are people always wondering if someone from Generation X is treated like a Late Boomer is or if a Late Boomer is their parent?

Because I threw a water bottle on the ground, not only can someone not have a certain kind of "relationship" with me which isn't up to me, but people think I am a bad person and they can be mean to me.  They are racist to me, too.  I was outside, and people were all bothering me around me and no one cared.  Sure, the police could have caught me and not have cared what I said about the way people got away with acting and bothering me, like being attacked by everyone like that at any given moment is okay.  I've called the non-emergency police before about these things, before, alone in my room sometimes.

I feel like a criminal in prison and for some reason I'm like a ghost there because they're still studying my case.

I'm not too worried.

People are fighting me if I get attention from Late Boomers, like they didn't really do it.

They're sure!

that I'm bad in this.

It seems people are snapping at me for getting attention from an older lady but pushing into eternity the situation they have messing around with her and making it so no one else matters, unless maybe I died.

People think they can say anything because they don't really mean it.

Well!

Well!  Some people have been very nice to me, giving me attention, and what should I do... buy them a cake?  I don't know if I can.

A lot of people go to big schools where you don't feel like you're with the same people all your life.

People think I'm bad.. it might be because of weird reasons like if I have a pimple, for skipping one of two showers a day, for an example.

Why get into intensive things of the nature I've been talking with people who have it together already?

Nobody needs people to "test" older people who like me.

Some people I have to deal with are just treating me stupidly.

It's like nobody likes me.  Why should I care about some people?

Why don't I figure?

Why is it okay for people to obsess over someone older I know instead?

It seems that we're due some more down time.

I'm am a "source."

I'm young in the 90's!

I might not be a mountain or a planet, but I am cool.

Who cares?

I don't really trust people.

I don't overly obsess, but other people are up to no good and it is a worry.

I guess it would be tragic to realize I was in the right, here, and so make it like there's a problem with other people I know, elsewhere, Orlando's fancy little dramas.  I actually know they err'ed out, but it's hard to keep tabs.

No hard feelings to anyone else's feelings! and not trying to involve certain people.

Did Orlando start worrying about things you don't have to worry about?

cont.

...like if you're wondering why you lost it.

For Active Anti-Racists

Black men always know everything, when something calls for it.

Did you know I'm moving into finals week?

I am interested in Asian and African American / black babies.

Ahh!

I just cleaned a bunch of my room and rearranged a little.  I just have to tackle the table and guess it's off to life!  Quite a lot of laundry.

Who in their right mind finds joy in being emotionally deficient, in bad ways?

I thought they were already happy, hence their success and continuing like other normal people to prosper and be happy.

Game?

So, how many famous Late Boomers do you know, famous without being on screen?

Any of them cute?  Hope they are all happy!

People think because I got something socially, I deserve to get it taken away but others are still happy and aren't lied about that they are bad for feeling uncomfortable around weird people being mean to them.

All this will hurt me, people thinking it doesn't matter if I am like other people.  Like, it's that I am not as good as a normal person.  They think it doesn't matter because normal people have their own problems, but in the end I see them coming out on top and me being dropped from the top to the bottom.  I am done; I am an adult.  There is no such thing as that we are all innocent and, therefore, if someone is down, it takes the town to sorta worsen themselves to make the other people seem better ... nor to focus more on bad people, as though they are good, and to try to make the good people seem bad because you think everyone should be equal and that this is how it goes, socially.  If someone "makes it" socially, they get "rewarded," in my book, and they live their life themselves getting better and not having people set them up to act defensive and seem worse than others and lied about in how they are socially, to bring them down like they really deserve that for reasons I mentioned.

I'm not trying to get mad at certain people, but I notice that things are happening like this.  This was harder to type up than some of the other things I have said.

Supposedly, I "didn't make it" as a normal person, according to Central Floridians.

People are obsessing themselves trying to get rid of me knowing someone.  I'm losing focus on if it's more normal people starting it or the people watching me in private.

I keep getting pushed to lose it.  I don't even have to think about people I like all the time.

People want to "bring out the worst in" me.

I don't have negative feelings towards everyone.

I'm tired of old ladies going around acting like it's only about Late Boomer women.  They get "all up in my face" and watch out for me.

Anyone interested in this/me...?

I generally am ahead in culture, but sometimes I feel cut off by racism.  Anyway, I find some cool older people, like at least as old as my mom, who also have a handle on things, who are good a lot like me and know things I can find out.

It should be okay...

I'm still on top of a lot of people.  I'm on top of most of them, other than some important things like living up north and being skinnier.

Since it seems we are going into things for discussion and sorting sake...

I used to be protected "on top" of things.  Now, I'm generally as a person an option.

My Magical, Musical Fingers

They might have made me good at piano and organ.

Are short nails a good thing??

Mine I accidentally cut too short as a kid, the ring finger nails.

Well, good night.

Sorry to anyone I offended by accident.

So, I got to have fun at the expense that I be offered something more fun and be mistreated for thinking it was true, and I don't know if anything is true.

People think I'm just a button to push and want to keep me from communicating with people who I like who like me, especially if they are older.

They give some people too much attention.

I'm feeling a bit better now.

Not much left of school!  Of course, 'make these classes good ones.

Why are people so weird?  Like, they don't admit things, and they want everything upfront.  I'm having trouble with this, like because.. well, it's not right and I don't see it turning out okay easily.  I'm proud to be a good and normal person, too.  It's something that makes me me.

Some people are so perverted.

Some people are such a heard of sheep.

"Christina is nothing.  She took a break from college."

What if I'm not interested in some people.

I don't have rights and I'm not having fun in this as of 2005.

It's like no one cares about me now.  I still can be happy how I am.  I'm just tired and guessing why.  I am frequently dissatisfied with how things are going, where they're headed.

Everyone wants to hurt me to "play it safe."

I keep being told in hard times I am bad.

The person I like who is older used to be a strong person, and now the world has made them possibly succumb.

Do you think she is really having fun?  Why do I have to "worry" about her so much and not just care?

I can't lead a happy life.  I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing.  I can't be happy with my family.  It's so hard to be together like this, in this day and age.

The world should not be at my relationship.  I am already worried, I mean.

People have faith things will be okay.

People are acting like I'm not as good, suddenly.

They are feeding off me and others are getting inappropriate things, instead.

I'm feeling sad I can't know someone I keep being told I can, on the other hand.  She knows other people, maybe..  I'm sad because of the contradictions but do like her.

I feel like people are feeding off me.

Is anything wrong, at all, that matters?

I'm being emotionally abused.  It's racism.

Things are still looking down.  Everything must be left off on a negative note.

I plan to move to Freiburg, Germany, so I can attend more concerts by the orchestra I follow online.  I want to live in another country.  I am calling to ask for help and probably get a job and learn violin.

I just am worried about someone.

"Okay, cards on the table!"

Why are some people acting like they want to talk to me and then not?  I assumed no.  I assume not even a little just to take from my life.

The people monitoring me in private find problems that aren't there!

I'm feeling glum, like people simply collectively think I am wrong.

The people monitoring me in private or involved keep acting superstitious about the regularity and temperament of and associations with my private thoughts.  I get in huge trouble when the explanation is already clear!  Even if I am sorry, I get shot down for being sorry or thinking I can make a departure from being there because I'm still involved and it's up to them.  People keep getting mad at suggestions I make that I don't and it worries me because I'm considerate of some people.  What's more, I'm tested about my opinions when I feel bad.  I don't want to be mad or really argue.  I don't think like a robot and feel like I want to retract.  People are taunting me like I forced someone older to talk to me somehow.  They worry me because I think she is being treated like things don't matter and some could be sneakily bad for her.  They have weird connotations.  They care about only themselves.  They think if a fact combines with another fact I don't mean and I didn't mean it's bad.  Since living in Orlando etc., I think off and I don't mean to single out people in my thoughts.  I keep being told I can't have a peaceful life, and it's been like so long or my whole life and everyone is jealous of my accomplishments.

I'm not worth loving, but I don't want to end up in trouble.

I wish I would move to Freiburg, Germany so I can watch the performances.  I could sit in an orchestra, but I don't think I will try to meet them after each time.  It seems like a chance to grab.  I'm trying to circulate in the music world, it seems.  I really like their orchestra, so far.

I don't know why people are so mad I can be stimulated alone.

You can tell I detest much of how lame Central Florida can be.  Some of it is just messed up.

I know I was dropped by potential relations.  We're all eliminating some people... why not realize how dreary Central Florida is and me find something worth "sacrificing" for, in some way.

I want to move to Germany, but I don't know if I should learn German before.  I kinda wanna live at home, but if I knew German would go now.  I could always come back.

I kinda miss George Bush.

I don't know who, but they are really interested in this.

I am happy for someone, but don't kindle my problems so that they become real, big problems that make the person and others unhappy.

Freiburger Barockorchester

link

And why does each and every one of us play with such passion in this run? "Because we just can not help it. You can not lean back with us - not even in the rehearsal, "explains the violinist Petra Müllejans, who is one of the founding members. "Because of this unconditional expression, we have become musicians! Probably we were like that when we were kids and luckily we found this valve. "

This sound adventure began more than thirty years agoin the atmosphere of the Freiburg University of Music: "There was really the much-cited New Year's Eve in 1985, when some students from Rainer Kussmaul and Ulrich Koch met to make music on baroque instruments and gut strings," says Petra Müllejans. The orchestra's longtime artistic director, who passed on her office together with Gottfried von der Goltz to Kristian Bezuidenhout last summer, tells of grassroots structures, boundless rehearsals and a great idealism that has lasted until today. "The early years were not easy. One was laughed at. The city of Freiburg initially had little interest in this free formation. Financially, everyone had to keep afloat with other engagements or instrumental lessons."

Does everyone get a turn?

Why are people fascinated with critiquing me? like saying things everyone knows? things that don't apply? things that may be impossible in today's ways?

Me in 2012

Now, how do you feel about my singing?

Piano Songs I Like That Make the World Go 'Round

I like when black people play this.

When I Was in Pit Orchestra in High School

Whenever I am, I learn the whole story.  I didn't post A Midsummer Night's Dream because it was a play with music added, like in between mostly.  I was credited with vocals and was in Talented Music and Talented Theater, but it was a senior play.  So, here are 4 clips from 2 musicals.

Happiness from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown

The Doctor Is In from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown

Comedy Tonight - A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum


Free - A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

People in Central Florida are acting like something oh just happened to look innocent.

I think people question me, *at length, and want to overcome me, like I'm holding in negativity.

*at length - 1. in detail, fully. 2. after a long time. (link)

Could you come up to me and say I'm not perfect and that's why I am having problems?

Am I so imperfect that anyone can be mean to me however they want?  It seems like the way people go.

Did you notice older people don't need younger people and don't care about anything because of it but can still be okay or "on top?"

People dare to tell me mean things because of problems.  Oh well, most people are caught up but not all involved..  However, it affected my life.  I have problems every day, and I don't know what I do wrong on purpose more than others.  It seems like it's just to pass time, though, or maybe something expensive that doesn't work, in certain ways.  How do you go from being good to this like it's okay but can seem insecure?

Why did things work out for me, before?  I don't need some of these people.  Didn't they set us up for something and take it away, for no good reason?  These are just annoying people, up to no good.

Also, it seems a heavy price to pay for a good job for some people, saying if they groove with life like what matters simply doesn't matter anymore is all we need to say to the world and that's it and we can't seem to get along.  Certain generations have certain important issues.

cont.

It's just a plus for them.

It must be nice to get the best of how things are, also that which people actually prize which for them is unattainable.  Hey, it's a way to make Christina feel the opposite bad, so why not these people do this?  I think I'd need to check a few things.  They literally found a way to abandon me.  I said people didn't have to do this.  I just didn't want the important things in my life ruined!

Well, I hope the older lady I like is happy.

..Oh, so you can do it, flip what's mine to someone else.

Why is everyone so bothersome!

Pretty much, they want to take it away because some of it gets worse.

They keep finding bad reasons to be mad at me.

I've been informed an older lady I like has a "problem," wherein I was trying to separate myself from certain problems and was forced to remain alert because I technically have the relationship, just not like before in certain ways.  That's "what" they said.  Why should I believe it?  They are hiding information, like it and they are important, in this way.

Those damn, certain Central Floridians.

People are obsessing over an older lady I like to feel badly, inappropriately, and extremely stimulated and claim me feeling anything means I should be forgotten and have my older personal relationships ruined.

For some reason, I can't go on knowing someone without being emotionally abused by others who claim it was her.

Everyone keeps trying to badly and inappropriately stimulate and change her for the worse.

all the time

Well, they're just bad not doing anything because they give me a bad time no matter what.

People keep acting like I'm bad forever.